Sadaharu
by wuudochakku
Summary: A series of interactions between Okita and Kagura, which build on one another. Because we all know that Okita and Kagura are meant for each other.
1. Shinsen Station

Author's Note:

^-^ A humongous thank you to my betas, AutumnCherry and 2M! Chapters of this fic will be posted at least every other day until further notice. Please enjoy.

* * *

Okita Sougo, young and talented member of the Shinsengumi, stands at the side of the road, his eyes fixated on the river just a few meters away. Looking out into the water. Into the sunset. The classic youth gazing at the sunset. Thinking about manhood, maybe, or his first love. Except that he doesn't love anyone. And that he doesn't really care about manhood. Actually, there's only one thing he cares about. And he doesn't really care about it, per say. He is obsessed with it.

Compulsively drawn to it. That's the reason he's staring out into the water now. With the sun just dipping down towards the water, he can only see a sea of red. And that he wants to leap off the road, and drink the blood red ocean, the deep color awakening a primal thirst inside of him. He wants to quench it. He needs to. But he won't. Only an idiot would jump off of a bridge into the water.

It was only water, and he knew his thirst wouldn't be satisfied. Everyone knew that. He took one last, long look at the water. Before turning away.

He then came face to face with a pair of bright blue eyes. Kagura, unpaid member of Odd Jobs Gin. (As opposed to all those paid members out there, of course.) Her hair was up into her usual buns, and she was wearing Chinese style pants and a shirt to match, accompanied by her soft black slippers. Her eyes widened.

"Aha!" She pronounced, jabbing her finger at him "Shinsen Station!"*

"Eh?"

"You're from Shinsen Station!" she smiled, with confidence.

"I'm pretty sure you mean the Shinsengumi..."

"You don't work with trains then?" She asked, seeming genuinely bewildered.

"...No."

"Huh? I thought they said you police people worked with trains!"

"No, no, that's train-_ing_, kid. That's different." As an afterthought he added, "Although, we don't do much of that either."

"Kid?" Kagura looked upset, "You're one to talk."

"I'm older than I look," he smiled smugly, only a little indignant, "And I'm definitely older than you"

"How do you know?"

"I just do!"

She gasped "You're stalling!"

"Why would I want to buy time? Am I talking excessively?" asked Okita, utterly confused, and, by now, a bit self-conscious as well.

"You _talker_!"

"Eheh. I think you meant stalker." He said dryly, unsure what to make of her.

"This guy is definitely a big talker, Kagura," she said seriously to herself, changing instantaneosly into a suit and tie, with dark sunglasses,"but I'm sure we're older than him." She nodded self-importantly.

Okita sighed. There was no way she was older than him. And he was neither a big talker nor a big stalker, nor had he ever worked with trains at Shinsen station.

He looked away to try to clear his thoughts from the insanity of it all. He looked out to the ocean. It had turned to dark blue. He realized he had completely forgotten his thirst.

"Right then, Mr. Big Talker." Kagura pulled him back from the land of musing to the land of the...well, Kagura-land. "I'm gonna let you off the hook, so you better be grateful, uh-huh." And then she pranced away.

Okita stared after her. Well, he might have just gotten a high score in the department of confusing conversations. The flashing lights appeared in his vision.

**-Bing-Bing-Bing-**

**-High Score!-** Okita Sougo's top weirdest converstions

***1. Just now with that kid. ***

2. Earlier, with Yamazaki about badminton.

3. Earlier, with Hijikata about mayonnaise

4. Earlier, with Kondo about... gorillas?

5. Earlier, with Hijikata about mayonnaise.

He reached the Shinsengumi headquarters, ready to wear the famed sleep mask. But something was different. Was this really the right place? He looked up at a sign to check.

-SHINSEN STATION-. That girl.

* * *

*Shinsen Station is a is a train station on the Keio Inokashira Line near Shibuya, in Tokyo, Japan.


	2. Sukonbu and Sadaharu

The next morning dawned bright and early at Yorozuya Gin. The owner of said shop, of course, was still sleeping. But Kagura woke up early, because Sadaharu looked as if he was feeling stir crazy. Kagura smiled at Sadaharu, and kissed him on the nose. She pulled on her chinese outfit, shoved a pack of sukonbu into her pocket, and led Sadaharu outside.

"Kagura loves you, uh-huh," she said to him, "So let's have fun playing today, ok?"

"WOOF!" answered Sadaharu. They reached the park, and Kagura picked up a nearby bench.

"Go fetch!" she hurled the bench.

"WOOF!"Kagura smiled, sitting where the bench would have been, and landing on the ground, content as she pulled her knees up to her chest. It was just then that a boy with light brown hair and dark red eyes walked by.

The gravel under his feet crunched as Okita Sougo neared Kagura on his morning rounds. Kagura didn't notice his approach. She was chewing contentedly on a piece of sukonbu. Okita, however, out on patrol, did notice her. Who doesn't notice a girl sitting on the on the side of a park where there used to be a bench?

"Yo, kid. What are you doing down there?" He asked. Kagura slowlyturned around to face him, and he observed the peaceful look on her face, watching it transition to curiousity as she surfaced from the deep-space of Kagura-land.

"Waiting for the bench to come back." she replied, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Before Okita could respond, however, the ground began to shake. Then, in the distance, between the trees, a large furry white blob appeared. Was it an earthquake? However, as the shaking grew closer, Okita realized that it was not an earthquake but, instead a, well, what exactly was it?

"What is that?" he asked Kagura. Kagura turned to him with an angelic look on her face.

"Sadaharu." she answered.

Suddenly, the huge white dog stopped its charge in front of Kagura. He dropped the bench directly above her head, but she lifted her hands and caught it, depositing it back onto the ground. Then, she reached forward to pet Sadaharu.

"Good boy!" she giggled, as he licked her, throwing her arms around its furry neck. It was early, but Okita began to feel thirsty again. His sadist nature never had been very patient, and now it was urging him to do something, anything, to feed it. He noticed a man similar to Hijikata crossing the street. Surely he could frame something on him. He walked slowly toward the man, fingering the trigger to his bazooka, sitting on the bench to watch for an opportunity.

Sitting. On the bench. It was wet. It was gooey. And it broke in half as soon as he sat on it.

That, compounded with the sight of Kagura roaring with laughter as she saw him sitting on the ground, was enough to snap him out of it.

"Who's the kid now, uh-huh?" Kagura laughed, puffing up in a pose she considered macho. It made her look like a bird puffing itself up. He chuckled. Like a cockatiel. She's a Kagura-tiel. He burst out laughing.

"What's so funny huh?" Kagura demanded. "You must be pretty fat to break a bench like that, Mister Fat Stalker."

"Woah! You said it right."Okita considered writing down the date and time to preserve the evidence that something this unlikely had ever happened. "But it wasn't me that did it, it was your... uh..." he looked back at the large dog.

"Sadaharu." she stated.

"It was Sadaharu." he declared.

"Nope, he couldn't have."

"It was definitely him."

"I'll ask him. Ne, Sadaharu, have you broken the bench?"

"WOOF!" he barked, his tongue hanging out as he did so; showing a mouthful of splinters.

"He says no." she said speedily.

"That looked like a yes to me!" Okita smiled.

"It was a no, uh-huh."

"Yes for sure!"

"Innocent until proven jilted!" Kagura proclaimed in broken Ingrish, changing instantaneously into a lawyer outfit.

"It's guilty!" Corrected Okita.

"No, Sadaharu is not guilty!" Kagura yelled, "Judge, my client will be disturbed by these unbased claims," she said, turning to Sadaharu.

"WOOF!"

"Oy! How can he be the judge _and_ the client?" demanded Okita.

"It's a cold, harsh world for children to grow up in, and life isn't fair," Kagura proclaimed, looking out into a nonexistant sunset, "A boy takes another step toward manhood. Hold fast to your dreams." She patted Okita on the shoulder.

"I'm older than you, remember?" said Okita.

"You wish."

"Anyway, what are you planning to do about this bench?" he asked. Kagura turned to observe it.

"What would Gin do? He'd say to calm down and look for a time machine." she abruptly turned to Okita. "Seen any around?" she asked seriously.

"Nope." he replied, wondering at the similarity between their superiors.

"Then, what would Shinpachi do? He'd yell at Gin for thinking of such a stupid idea." she proceded to punch herself in the head, "_You_ calm down, you idiot. Where would we find a time machine?" Okita looked on, amused.

"Only one left. What would _you_ do?" He said.

"Me? Hmm. I'm the calm one. I'm the brains. I'd calm down and fix it," she said, nervous under the pressure of being both the calm one and the brains, and pulled out a hammer and a piece of sukonbu, and proceded to hammer the sukonbu into the bench. Okita's eyes almost popped out of his head.

"Oy, that doesn't look very calm to me."

"Sukonbu fixes everything, of course," Kagura said, sounding desperately unsure of herself, but obviously trying to look as if she knew what she was doing.

"Huh." was all he said.

"Well, if you're so brilliant, then what's you're plan, Mr. Fast Talker?" Wait, wasn't it supposed to be fat stalker? Okita didn't want to remind her of that, though. After all, how could he be a bishonen character if he was fat?

But back to the topic at hand. What would he do? He pulled out his bazooka, and aimed for the bench.

"Destroy the evidence." He declared, his lips curving into a frightful grin. If it had been Hijikata, he would have got the beginning of a lecture, or indiscriminate yelling. Kagura leapt over to his side and pulled out her purple umbrella, aiming it at the bench, popping the sukonbu-nail into her mouth.

"You're a genius!" she declared, and they opened fire on the hapless victim. The bench didn't stand a chance. "You must be a prodigy, to be so capable at such a young age," said Kagura, talking around the sukonbu sticking out of her mouth and nodding knowingly, "It must be hard for you at work, eh, kid?"

While certain elements of this statement were obviously ridiculous, Kagura had hit the mark in others. Yes, it was strange to be shorter than most others, though he'd never tell. Still, they were satisfactorily terrified of him, so he rarely thought about it.

Kagura frowned at him. "Here." she said, tossing him a piece of sukonbu. "You probably have a sad story to tell, but Gin-chan and Shinpachi will wonder where I am if I don't get back soon. Sukonbu is the right thing to eat when listening to a sad story. So tell yourself your sad story, and savor my hard-earned sukonbu, kid. Next time, maybe I'll crunch on some sukonbu and listen to it, too."

"Er, thanks. I'm older than you, you know."

"Whatever, whatever. Sadaharu, come!" the dog flew towards her, ready to tackle. She countered the flying leap with an aerial kick, and Sadaharu landed next to her. The two walked off down the street.


	3. Naptime Amidst the Alarm Clocks

Author's Note: Please enjoy this chapter! ^-^ . My apologies for the lack of extensive OkitaxKagura in this chapter, but there is a little. More will be coming next chapter, I promise! The next chapter will be posted on Tuesday. Please review, and thank you for reading!

* * *

Nothing in the events of the next morning suggested that something unusual was to happen that day. Gin had informed Shinpachi and Kagura that a client would be coming, and then propped his boots up on his desk and buried his nose in JUMP. Kagura was combing her fingers through the rice cooker in a mostly futile attempt to discover any remaining grains of rice, occasionally shoving them in her mouth before continuing. Shinpachi was furtively eyeing the refrigerator and wondering if Gin-san or Kagura-chan would notice if he tried to eat something, something edible, for once in his life. Was that too much to ask? Was it? Apparently so.

A soft knock on the door announced the arrival of their client. Shinpachi walked over to let in an elderly man. The man had severely thinned grey hair, that is, he had exactly twelve silver hairs left on his head. On his face was a wrinkly smile, and he wore a tan apron over a red shirt and khaki pants, as if he worked in a store, but on his wrist was a clearly expensive watch. He hobbled, bent over a cane, to the seat offered by Shinpachi, and accepted a cup of tea, looking at Gin.

"Good morning, old man," Gin greeted him.

"Good morning," replied the elderly man, "Are you the Yorozuya?"

"That's us," replied Gin.

"We'll do anything for the right price," added Shinpachi, fantasizing about the food he could buy. Images flashed before his eyes. Curry. Real curry. Eggs. Not black and withered. Not deflated and defeated, but golden and fluffy and delicious.

Gin had sent Kagura to the kitchen to wash the rice cooker, but now he called her back to introduce her to their client.

"Oy! Kagura!" he hollered. She bounced in to the room, followed by Sadaharu. Sadaharu was not bouncing. If he had been, they would have found themselves having this conversation on the floor of Otose's Snack House.

Upon seeing Kagura, the old man's face took on the appearance of a proud grandfather. He looked as if he were contemplating which of his wisdom he would share with the impressionable youngster.

And then he saw Sadaharu. His eyes narrowed to furious slits, and then shot sideways. He clutched his cane in a death grip, and spat at the floor, eyes burning a hole into the floorboards where his spit had landed.

Kagura blinked, confused.

"Is something wrong?" Gin looked at the old man carefully.

The old man cleared his throat nervously.

"Is it a spitting competition?" asked a recovered Kagura brightly, working up saliva in her cheeks.

"No!" Shinpachi looked alarmed.

"No." The old man agreed, seating himself cross-legged on the floor, and pulling out a handkerchief. "I'm terribly sorry. I have... an eye for detail. I work with clocks, you see." He began scrubbing the floor with his handerchief. He fidgeted a bit, then continued, "Well, erm, I saw a ... a speck of dust on the floor. Yes! That is, it was probably me that brought it in, so, uh, I felt the, the need to clean it." He smiled apprehensively.

Kagura leaned back on the couch, disappointed, and was poking a finger at her cheek, as if wondering what to do with all the spit.

"Right then," Gin was obviously no longer interested, "What is the job, and how much are you willing to pay us?"

The old man seemed to consider, then looked furtively at Gin. "You'll do _anything_ for money?"

"Or sukonbu," drooled Kagura, giving up on doing anything to control the unborn spitball.

"Or real food," drooled Shinpachi, unable to contain his hunger at the thought."

"Money." Corrected Gin, watching the old man through his dead fish eyes.

"Right," nodding, the old man seemed relieved. "Well, as I told you, I work with clocks. I make them, I fix them, I sell them. Buisiness usually goes smoothly.

"Like clockwork?" Kagura quipped.

"Indeed. However, recently, a...a _friend_ of mine told me that my shop looked... messy. I ought to... tidy it up, he said. Make it presentable," he was getting comfortable now, getting into his story. "As for me, I'm just an old fellow who's back isn't as good as it used to be. But...I make high quality...products. And, I've got a, well, I've got an important...customer, yes, a customer... coming, and I'll need the store to look presentable for them. Could I ask you Yorozuya to tidy it up for me?"

The Yorozuya enlisted Catherine's help, and then proceeded to the old man's shop. Actually, after seeing the old man's watch, the cat-eared woman had volunteered to help. The old man didn't seem to notice the danger he was in. He immediately took a liking to Catherine.

The job had seemed simple enough, at first, but the old guy wouldn't let them go into the back, and kept asking, "Does this make it look suspiscious?" The Yorozuya managed to not worry about the ticking noises that put them on edge after all of their experience with Zura, because, they were, after all, in a store full of clocks. They managed to, that is, until Kagura threw a faulty alarm clock into the trashcan, and it exploded.

"Woah!" Shinpachi exclaimed, "That's not normal. Let's get out of here. There's definitely something suspicious going on."

"No, no, Shinpachi," Gin deadpanned, "didn't you hear the old codger say it was broken?"

Then Zura walked it.

"Well, looks like we're done here." Gin said quickly, "Doesn't your store look nice? Bye now."

The old man looked apologetically at Zura.

"I'm sorry, sir. They found out."

"It's not sir, it's Katsura. Do what you need to do." And then Katsura left, the squeaking footsteps of Elizabeth following him away.

The old man sighed_. _"Please don't blame me for this. Yes, I am selling bombs to a group of anti-Amanto rebels, but I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't. It's your dog's fault."

"Sadaharu didn't do anything." Kagura looked like she was about to introduce his face to her fist, so Gin restrained her. He wanted at least a little revenge for all of the blood that had run down his forehead, and all of the lovely, putrid presents Sadaharu had left in the apartment.

"I saw him one day in the park, and, well, I reacted like I did earlier. There wasn't any dust on the floor. I lied."

"Really now." Shinpachi looked exasperated. An obvious confession like that didn't excuse the fact that the man had caused them to participate in illegal activities, and endangered their lives.

"But I didn't mean to get involved with all this. I don't react like that because I hate the Amanto. It's really more simple than that. I'm just..." he paused, "I'm just not a dog person. I'm a cat person."

He turned to Catherine. She stared emotionlessly back at him. "I love you!" he proclaimed, "Will you marry me? Will you date me?" She slapped him.

"You're too ugly for me." she replied, and left, now that she knew there was nothing worth stealing. The old man sank to the floor, weeping, heartbroken.

"There, there," Gin patted him on the shoulder.

"Anyways, when I spat like that in the park, a man named Katsura saw me, and hired me. So, here I am. And now I have to do my job. I...I don't suppose I could pay the lot of you to keep quiet about this, either?" the man sniffled.

"No amount of money can suppress the noble spirit of the samurai!" proclaimed Gin.

"I figured that might be the case." said the old man, and then he said. And then he poked one of the clocks. It tipped over. And fell on the clock next to it.

Which exploded.

This caused the next clock over to explode as well, triggering a chain reaction down the shelves. The room filled with smoke, then went dark.

When the Yorozuya woke up, they were tied by their ankles and hanging upside down in an empty storeroom.

"Maybe I should have accepted the money." said Gin.

"No way!" said Shinpachi, as Kagura simultaneously said,

"Of course, you idiot. Did you ever stop to think that I might be hungry?"

They had been hanging there for about an hour when there was a pounding on the door.

"Open up, this is the Shinsengumi."

After a brief fight, the Shinsengumi stormed into the store to confiscate any remaining bombs. They gave everyone jobs in different parts of the store, except Okita. His sadist radar had picked them up. He found the concealed door to the storeroom, and approached the three of them. He walked up to the silver-haired samurai, and held the latest version of JUMP out in front of him. It was too much for poor Gintoki, and his head fell to the side, out cold. He then proceeded to wave Otsu-chan's new album in front of Shinpachi. Shinpachi wiggled around on the string, but eventually, he, too, passed out from the emotional strain.

Finally, Okita turned to Kagura. He pulled out a large bowl of pork and waved it in front of her.

*Snore*

She was sleeping? How could you torture someone who was sleeping? He frowned. He waved the bowl in front of her face. No signs of life. He pushed it against her face, right under her nose. Suddenly, without warning, Kagura's mouth opened, as if of its own accord, and devoured the contents of the bowl. Her eyes popped open.

"Woah! How did you know I was hungry?" she beamed at him. Okita stood there in shock. Had she tricked him? What was wrong with her?

She smiled brightly. "You're upside down. Did you guys fail to get the bad guys too?"

"No. You're the one who's upside down." He responded. "We beat them." Her face fell.

"You stole all the fun for yourself? How cruel! I wanted to get back at that old geezer."

Wait. This was too much for Okita to process. First he had tried to torture her and failed, and now she was providing him with something that hurt her? What was she doing?

*snore*

"That much is obvious." He said to himself. "She's sleeping."

And then he left.


	4. Okita Should be Taken in Small Doses

Author's Note: Yes, this chapter is short, so it's coming out with another chapter. Two for the price of one. ^-^

PS. The chapter name is abbreviated. Its full title is: Okita Should Be Taken in Small Doses As Prescribed by Your Doctor. Do Not Take Okita if You Are also Taking Hijikata, Yamazaki or Katsura. Side Effects May Include Extreme Blushing, Nosebleeds, and Slight Dizziness. Please Notify Your Doctor if You Are Experiencing Any of These Symptoms.

* * *

Okita was patrolling the streets of Edo, his golden-brown hair illuminated by the light of a thin crescent moon, feeling bloodthirsty again. Behind his flat, emotionless eyes, he was pulsing with frustration, asking himself why. Why couldn't he control this? Why was he so hungry for a fight? His blood was stirring, boiling inside of him, urging him to fight. Why? His face remained its usual mask of boredom, as he worked out how he was going to be able to satisfy his desperate thirst without looking too suspicious. Couldn't he put it off? Wasn't there something he could use to distract himself? Didn't he have anything he could eat? He reached into his pocket.

Sukonbu.

"I do have a sad story, don't I?"


	5. Growing Old Together?

Here's part two of the two-chapter release. ^-^ Please enjoy and review.

* * *

Kagura was sitting cross-legged on the ground in the park the next morning when Okita walked by.

"Greetings," she said, saluting him, "Captain!"

"Since when did you start calling me Captain?" he asked, bored.

"After you saved my life that other time, Captain!"

"I saved your life?"

"Yeah, you gave me that pork when I was so hungry, Captain!"

"That was intended to be torture," he remarked.

"Don't go getting uppity, Captain! I'm still older than you, after all." she pronounced, saluting.

"I'm way older than you." He informed her flatly.

"How old are you then, huh?" She asked.

"You tell me first," he demanded.

"How come? That's cheating!"

"Because I'm older."

"Something is fishy about that..." Kagura was trying to remember why she couldn't accept that argument.

"Then because I'm the Captain."

"Roger! Captain!" Kagura saluted. "...Wait, no, Captain, I mean..."

"Too late, subordinate."

"Fine then. I'm..." she thought about it. How old was he? Maybe he was 16? Just to be on the safe side... "I'm 82." Okita almost fell over from the shock. But he wasn't going to lose here.

"Well then, I'm 83!"

"No way, kid!"

"Shrimp!"

"Chibi!"

"Pipsqueak!"

"Hmph!" said Kagura. "If I appear to be shorter than you, it's just because of my old age," she croaked, using her umbrella like a cane. He was amused; she was stooped over and hobbling around like an old man. Where was his camera when he needed it? But then he noticed her eye. An evil, yet victorious glint shone from it. "...Yes..." she said, " so many things I have lost in my old age," Okita began to feel a sense of foreboding, "including my _sharp sense of memory_.. yes.. it's coming back to me. I had _forgotten_ how old I was. Indeed, how old am I?" she began to count on her fingers, then turned slowly, "Yes. Three-hundred and five."

"Three hundred and five!" He dropped his katana. Okita was amused, "How do you forget that many years of your life?" Kagura looked nervous, then, smiling evilly,

"Well, these things... the memory loss, is crazy. You _youngsters_ wouldn't understand."

He had been topped. They were going to start playing the ending and roll the credits if he didn't do something, and fast. No! He would not give in. He would win.

It was time to pull out the big guns. Literally. He reached around behind him and pulled out his bazooka, using it as a cane himself.

"Really, kids these days.." he rasped, slowly, as if each word were unimaginably difficult for him. "Think they understand us. But, I have indeed suffered the same memory loss. I am actually four hundred and six."

"Oh ho!" Kagura laughed (in an old-man sort of way) at his feeble attempt to copy her. "Is that so, kid? Well, I can't believe that, I'm afraid. You just made that up, after my real memory loss. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattening, after all."

"It's flattery." he corrected. "But, no, you see, the reason I remembered after you was: I had _forgotten that I had forgotten_ my real age."

Kagura fell to her knees. The knockout punch. She saluted him. "Good fight, Captain," she acknowledged, tears streaming down her face. "You win this time, but next time, I'm going to flatter you!" With that, she turned and hobbled off like an old man.

"No, I'm pretty sure you meant flatten that time."


	6. Poor Unfortunate Hijikata

Okita Sougo was fast asleep. Which was good, because Gin, Shinpachi, and Kagura, also known as Agent JUMP, Agent Pasta, and Agent Sukonbu were sneaking into the Shinsengumi building, on a job. An odd one at that.

According to their client, their client's wife's ex-boyfriend (now in the Shinsengumi) had stolen his girlfriend's mother's cousin's daughter's precious piece of jewelry. And now, their client's mother-in-law's cousin's daughter thought their client's wife had stolen the jewelry. So, their client had hired Odd Jobs Gin to take care of the job.

The three agents came to an intersection of two hallways.

"I only go straight forward on the path of of life." pronounced Agent JUMP, and he proceded forward. Agent Sukonbu looked at Agent Pasta.

"I'll go right, since I always try to do the right thing." said Agent Pasta.

"Roger, Agent Pasta, I'll take what's left then." said Agent Sukonbu, turning left.

She opened one door silently. No one was there. She moved to the next door, and slid it open, to see a sleeping man with dark black hair. No jewelry in sight. There was a jar of mayonnaise, though. Licking her lips, Kargura, that is, Agent Sukonbu, pocketed the jar of mayo, and moved on. The man moaned softly in his sleep,

"Mayyyyyyoooo. Marrrryyy me..." Agent Sukonbu shut the door hurriedly and moved on. In the next room was a snoring man, and on the wall hung a badminton racquet. She looked at it, bemused, and, seeing no jewelry, left. The following room held a man with light brown hair. He wore a red sleep mask. His sleeping face did not look peaceful or innocent. It looked blank. But there was something rather pretty in it, thought Agent Sukonbu.

"This is the bishonen boy of the Shinsengumi, ne?" Sukonbu asked herself quietly. "He probably has some jewelry, although he didn't seem interested in girls when I met him, so it's unlikely that she was his girlfriend. But, even so, he probably is hiding a sparkly pair of earrings at the very least.."

Sougo woke up, his eyes opening under the sleep mask. Another day of boredom on the earth. Another day of thirst, of boredom and denial. It was only another day; nothing new. But...there was something new. He sensed a presence in his room. He resisted the urge to bazooka them, and decided to listen first. That voice... he had definitely heard that voice before.

"This is the bishonen boy of the Shinsengumi, ne? He probably has some jewelry, although he didn't seem very interested in girls when I met him, so it's unlikely that she was his girlfriend. But, even so, he probably is hiding a sparkly pair of earrings at the very least.."

He felt her footsteps move this way and that, thumping around the room, looking under things, then toward him, and he felt his pillow lift, as she inspected the mat under it for anything incriminating. Like he could have slept through that. Without lifting the eye mask, he said lazily,

"Are you making fun of my taste in earrings, Kagura?" He felt her jump, and then she punched him.

"Woah!" she looked at him guiltily, "You surprised me." He sighed, and lifted the eye mask, sitting up.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story to do with somebody's girlfriend and some jewelry." she summarized. "In the end, I'm looking for the jewelry stolen from someone related to your girlfriend." Apparently, she had decided he was the culprit. His face was expressionless as he looked at her.

"What use would I have for a girlfriend?" He asked.

"Hmmm." Kagura thought, "Her sparkly earrings?"

"I'm not into sparkly earrings, Kagura."

"It's not Kagura. It's Agent Sukonbu."

"What a creative name." Sarcasm overtook the laziness in his eyes for a moment, before the natural order of things reasserted itself, and he looked, once again, bored.

"Thanks. Maybe you could help me on this case then, kid."

"I'm older than you, anyway."

"Do you know who in the Shinsengumi would have stolen the jewelry from their girlfriend?" she asked him intently.

"Hijikata." he answered without a pause.

"Who is that?" she asked. He sat up, scratching his head to think. Agent Sukonbu was not at all distracted by the fact that he was wearing the traditional Japanese dress, nor by the way his hair looked all shiny and sparkly in the light. Not at all.

"He's a mayo eating freak."

"Oh!" A little lightbulb went off in Kagura's head. "I think I saw his room earlier. That was where I found this. She pulled out the mayo. Now it was Okita's eyes that lit up.

"Good job, Agent Sukonbu!" he said, clapping her on the back. "Could I have that?"

"Sure." she handed it to him. He smiled evilly, and grabbed both her hands in his. "What can I do for you?"

"Um, tell me about the culprit. It was a hijacking cat, right?"

"No. Hijikata. A man named Hijikata."

"And you're sure it was him?"

"Yeah, it was definitely probably him. I mean, the possibility that he absolutely did it is maybe one hundred percent."

"Hmm.." Agent Sukonbu paused to consider this. "What are you gonna do with the mayo?"

"Uh..." he looked around for inspiration, "eat it?"

"Can I have some too?" she asked. "I'm really hungry." She reached toward the jar.

"No!" he said, his hand snaking out to grab her wrist.

"That's cruel!" she said, wiggling free.

"I wasn't actually gonna eat it." he confessed.

"Then what?"

"I was gonna poison Hijikata." he said bluntly.

"Oh." she said. "Well, good luck then. I'm off to go arrest him."

"Have fun." He called.

"You too." She walked down the hallway, and banged on the door. _Bang. Bang. Bang._

"Open up, you jewelry thief!" bellowed Kagura. "I'm here to ingest you!"

"Arrest, it's arrest." said Okita, following her out into the hallway.

"Huh?" Hijikata rubbed his eyes. "Ingest? I want.. mayoo.."

"You stole that man's wife's mother's cousin's daughter's jewelry, didn't you!" Kagura accused rather than asked.

"Jewelry?" Hijikata stood and walked over to Kagura, "I don't have any jewelry."

"Hold out your hands and prove it." said Okita. Hijikata's outstretched hands were empty. Okita poked Kagura in the back.

"Keep your hands where I can see 'em, uh-huh." she demanded, then turned to Okita. "I thought you said he had jewelry." Okita tossed something into the room, which caught the light as it flew in a graceful arc.

"Now he does."

Kagura turned around. A pair of sparkly earrings were lying in Hijikata's outstretched hands.

"You! You're the purple-potato!" Kagura declared.

"Perpetrator." this from Sougo. "It's perpetrator."

"Whatever."

Just then, Gin and Shinpachi entered. They held out a diamond necklace.

"Psst! Agent Sukonbu, we found it." hissed Shinpachi, "Let's go."

Agent Sukonbu moved behind Hijikata, and grabbing the sparkly earrings into her hands, and pointing at him.

"This is the real..." she began, looking at Okita.

"...perpetrator!" he finished dramatically.

"No," insisted Shinpachi, as Kagura fiddled with the sparkly earrings behind Hijikata, "Like I said, we already found the guilty one."

"Oh ho!" laughed Hijikata, "That means the sparkly earrings were really yours, Sougo!" Kagura stepped out from behind Hijikata.

"That's not what it looks like to me," chuckled Okita. Hijikata looked around for the earrings, and then felt his ears.

"Eeehhhhhhhhhhh?" he cried, turning to the mirror.

"Don't let anyone tease you for being who you really are, uh-huh!" cheered Kagura.

"They're not mine!" yelled Hijikata.

Others in the Shinsengumi walked in, awakened by the noise.

"What's going on in here?" demanded one.

"Hijikata has rediscovered himself." declared Okita.

Kagura high-fived Okita on her way out.


	7. Morning Stars and Okita's Sadaharu

Thanks to all for your patience, as this chapter took a bit of time. Many thanks to a friend of mine for looking this over and helping me make things more visualize-able. ^_^ From this point forward, until further notice, chapters will be coming out weekly on Saturdays. Thank you all for reading. ^-^

* * *

The next morning, before sunrise, Okita woke with the feeling of his blood stirring within him, swirling restlessly underneath the placid surface of his deep red eyes. He sat up on the mat, and licked his lips lazily, using one finger to remove the sleep mask. He was thirsty for violence, much more intensely than usual. Maybe he would go pretend he was doing rounds somewhere, where he could sleep it off, away from all these people. He dressed in his Shinsengumi uniform, and walked out to the park, where the bench used to be, dragging his sleep mask and his bazooka sleepily.

Meanwhile, Kagura felt the same pull of blood in her veins, and she woke up, patting Sadaharu on the head, slipping into her red Chinese-style dress and black boots, and leading him out the door.

"Ne, Sadaharu," she said in a small voice, "let's go for a walk."

When she reached the park, she saw Okita laying in the grass, his chest rising and falling not quite evenly, his eye mask over his eyes. She let Sadaharu loose to wander the darkened park, and wondered how she could get over this. Unlike Okita, she was positive she would not be able to ignore it through lethargy. She suspected he had developed this habit of trying to sleep often beacause his sadistic nature provoked him, too, to violence at times. But she simply could not imagine trying to sleep it off like him. So, instead, Kagura punched the ground as hard as she could, letting out her anger in three powerful punches. Finally, frustrated, she burst out,

"How come it's hard like this sometimes?" throwing herself down onto the ground.

"That's what I want to know." Okita didn't remove his eyemask, "But you make it through in the end."

"Of course, uh-huh. After, if what I have to do is for my friends, then it's no problem." She agreed seriously.

"No problem, eh?" he asked lazily.

"No problem, uh-huh!" Kagura insisted defiantly. She picked herself up, and shoved a piece of sukonbu into his mouth.

"Oy!" he reacted irritably. A minuted passed while he chewed on the sukonbu. Somehow, incredibly, he was still thirsty for a fight, for blood. He could see that Kagura herself was almost imperceptibly trembling, barely holding it in. "Ne," he offered, "I know you're a girl. But wanna fight?"

She sat up, turning to look at him. "I might kill you." Her eyes flicked away from his for just an instant, ashamed, and then she met his eyes, hers filled with bitter knowledge of her own power.

"You'd be in danger yourself. But we both know that we both need this." His opaque eyes held a fair understanding of her strength, and confidence in his own, offering his logical view.

"Are you serious about this?"

"Yeah," his voice low, "I'm serious."

"Thank you." she whispered.

"Save that for after I beat you." he said, pocketing the eyemask, and lifting his katana. She stood, raising her umbrella.

Their fury did not surface at once.

At first, Kagura felt shy, and Okita was uneasy, unsure what he would do if he killed her, doubtful that a fight would be enough. Neither of them had tried something like this before, as intentionally.

He raised his sword, and swung it with one hand, half-heartedly, parallel to the ground, in a level arc. She carefully put out her umbrella to counter, perpendicular to the sword, but he refused, at the very least, to let her push the katana away. He held his ground, clapping his left hand onto the sword as well. This resistance triggered a tiny response in Kagura, one eye of the monster dubiously flicking open, and she jumped over the sword, aiming a careful punch at his face. He lifted the flat of his sword straight up, to block it, and swung it upwards at her, still calm.

And then his monster awoke. He attacked, no longer with the flat of the katana, but with the sharp sides. She countered one swing with the umbrella, and knocked the next down with a kick. He retaliated by slicing toward her. Kagura leapt back several meters, and then ran at him, swinging the umbrella rapidly, so that it was almost no longer visible. It was just a purple blur.

He braced himself, bending into a crouch. It was not, however, your average defensive position. His sword was not across him protectively, but in the last instant, he moved it so that it was pointed as if to skewer the oncoming Kagura. She, however, saw it, tucked the umbrella down the back of the neck of her red dress and dodged with a leap forward into the air, coming down with her hands beneath her. She clapped the sword between her hands, so that it was essentially impossible for him to use it, using the momentum from her jump to pivot around the blade still between her palms, and aim a kick to the side of Okita's head. Instead, he took his left hand off the katana, and caught her ankle, holding her foot immobile just inches from his head.

Then, with his right hand, he swung his sword out of her hands, twisting it, aiming to slice into her side. Kagura, forced to release the katana, whipped out the umbrella with her right hand as she dipped headfirst toward the ground, and countered Okita's swing. He had to let go of her ankle against the force of her counter, and, in the last minute, she pushed off the ground with her free hand, and flipped out of his reach. She landed in a crouch.

He watched her flip, his red eyes lit up with a feral glow. Kagura could feel the monster in her belly rumbling in content. They were both sizing each other up. The sun had not yet risen, but there was an red tint tinging the horizon.

In the same instant, they both flew at one another. She swung her umbrella at his head, and he aimed his katana for her neck. They met somewhere in the middle, and held that position for a the entirety of an eternal minute, pushing with their full strength one against the other. If it had lasted any longer, who knows which one would have won the battle of brute force. As it was, Okita pulled back, and began slashing indiscriminately. Kagura responded, counterattacking with a punch and an umbrella to the side of the head. They were both somewhat bruised, and scratched, but, maybe surprisingly, neither one was significantly injured. They jumped apart once again, sizing one another up.

Then both exploded into action. Dust flew from the backs of their shoes, biting their heels. They charged at one another at breakneck speed, sword hands behind their backs, building up all the force they had, everything they had into this one hit.

At the same moment, two paces away from each other, they both stopped, one foot braced against the shock of their momentum, their arm muscles bound like a spring. They swung.

Impact. It rattled down their arms, shaking them to the core. She shot backwards, her arms clinging to the umbrella, feet spaced apart, the heels leading them together, leaning forward into a stop.

He too had stopped. He was waiting. She breathed, pushed off. On the offensive.

A swing, two, three, over her head, left, right, as she approached him, her feet pounding his heartbeat into the pavement.

He sank into a defensive posture. Spreading his feet, his left foot pointing forward, his right foot directly under him, perpendicular to his left.

Now her swings were within range. He countered them one for one. One to the left, hit away, above his head, a flick upward, to the left, the left, above, to the right, the left, and then the right again, each one matched by him, beating out her heartbeat on her umbrella with his katana.

She leapt back, took one breath. And then he was on the offensive.

He swung toward her, to the left, above her head, and she met each one, her purple umbrella a blur of starless night, meeting the glint of his shining katana, as it etched stars into her night sky.

The thump and klink of each blow rang through the park. Two jet black silhouettes against the faint foggy light of the city.

Kagura's eyes were alive, the blue glowing, locked with his shining red ones, as she leapt above him, swinging powerfully downward.

He smiled darkly, let go of his katana with one hand. He used the katana to parry her attack, and punched upward with his other hand. His one-handed parry was barely enough to hold off the monstrously strong attack until the effect of his punch caused her to crumple. She fell to the ground, immediately rising into a feral crouch, so that her chest was barely above the ground. She bared her teeth at him. His eyes flashed boiling crimson. The sun was now streaking the dark sky with dark red and purple.

The two flew at one another with a rage directed at the universe, their fate, and themselves. Physically directed at one another, of course, in a flurry of mad slashing, punching, and kicking. They remained in this mad tangle of flailing arms and legs for a while, then both delivered a strong punch. Her fist hit his left arm, and his did likewise.

They both stepped back, their blood simultaneously settling. Okita looked at Kagura.

"I'm alright now." he said.

"We can't be doing this all the time." she met his eyes seriously, "It doesn't do either of us too much lasting good."

"I know." he acknowledged. "But, thanks for trying it with me." He sounded apathetic again, trying to settle back into his comfort zone, laying on the ground, hands under his head, looking up at the early morning sky. Kagura flopped down on the ground a couple feet away, facing away from him.

"I wanted to fight, too." Kagura admitted gruffly.

"I ought find a more consistent way to deal with it," Okita seemed bored, pulling the sleep mask over his head, "But it seems useless either way."

"Ne," said Kagura quietly, rolling over on her side to look at him, "Did you know why I gave Sadaharu that name?"

"No." the eyes on the mask were pointed skyward, but Kagura could feel that his voice was directed at her.

"Actually," she said, "There was a Sadaharu 1. He was a bunny I had, when I was a little kid."

Okita waited.

"He slept outside, but one night, I took pity on him, and let him sleep in my bed with me."

He considered this mutely, listening.

"But that night," she whispered, her voice barely audible, "I had a nightmare. And I held onto Sadaharu 1 like no tomorrow. I-I must have thrashed around all night, because..." her voice broke, "because when I woke up, he was all stiff. That's why I'm glad I have this Sadaharu. Because I love Sadaharu 2, and he can take it."

He reached out and pulled her next to him with one arm. She rolled over under his arm, facing away from him, curling up.

"I'm pretty strong, and life can seem like a nightmare sometimes, I'm sure you understand," she began.

He wondered if he had ever said that to someone sincerely, _I'm sure you understand._ But in this case, it was the most natural thing. They both knew that they understood their mutual violent tendencies.

"But, I can live in your life with you... If you'd like," she ventured, "I could be your Sadaharu." He reached out, slowly, his hand landing on her shoulder, and pulled her close to him. Within seconds, she was asleep.

She rolled onto her back, in his arms, snoring softly, and he leaned up on his elbows, lifting his sleep mask apathetically to look at her sleeping figure. He reached out to lift one of the tassels hanging off one of the odango buns. He said just one more thing before pulling his eyemask back over his eyes, and falling asleep next to her.

"I'd like that a lot." he replied.


	8. Bowls of Pork and an Understudy

I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but the next one ought to be more towards full length. The next chapter will be coming out next Saturday, the 18th.

In answer to Scrappy Cocoa's question, no, they are not living together, but I realize that originally this chapter could have seemed that way. This is set the same day as the last chapter. You could consider it a "two episode arc." Hopefully my edits have clarified that.

Thanks to all who have read and reviewed! ^-^

* * *

Kagura awoke to the smell of pork. She sat bolt upright. Just like that, the sun had risen, and the sky was full of light, so different from the dark and ominous sky a few hours prior during their fight. She pulled a few pieces of grass from her hair; she had been laying on the ground in the park for at least half an hour, sleeping blissfully.

In front of her stood Okita, his golden hair glowing, lit up from behind, holding two bowls of pork ramen.

Kagura realized he must have gone to get food, probably knowing she'd be hungry after fighting so intensely in the dark hours of early morning.

"Breakfast?" her eyes lit up, and she reached for both bowls. He smiled.

"Only one is for you, youngster." he said, pulling one away and tossing her a pair of chopsticks.

"I'll have you know I'm five hundred and seven years old, punk," she retorted, her mouth full of noodles. He patted her on the head. He brushed his knees off, and stood.

"I have to go patrol now, shrimp."

"You're fun company, chibi," she said, "so interesting, in fact, that I fell asleep."

"I fell asleep, too, idiot." was his reply. He turned around once more before leaving, his eyes a shade softer. "But, you know, if Sadaharu 2 ever takes a sick day, you know where to find me."

She smiled, slurping the rest of her noodles, watching his back disappear down the road.

"Now that the warm-up course is done, it's time to demolish the real breakfast, uh-huh." She too, stood, and, followed by her white dog, walked toward Odd Jobs Gin.


	9. The Preparation of Dango

Here is the next chapter of Sadaharu. As I have mentioned, these chapters are now coming out weekly. This is anther "two episode arc," so you can expect a festival on the 25th. Thanks for reading! ^-^

* * *

That day, Odd Jobs Gin got another customer. Shinpachi greeted him at the door, and invited in a man in an apron. The old man walked in calmly, and looked at Gin, whose face lit up.

"Yo, old man! It's been a while!" Gin beamed, "You're the guy who gave me that free dango one time at a festival!"

"You remembered me." the old man seemed pleased. Shinpachi nodded.

"That is quite the compliment. Gin rarely remembers people." he said. The old man agreed and sat down.

"Right then, straight to business, Sakata-san. You know that the new years festival is coming up, right?" He said.

Gin nodded. "What of it?"

"In the past, my children have always helped me run a couple of stalls. But now, they have all left to study on other planets. So this year, I don't have anyone to help. I would be very grateful if you would help me out." he said.

"How much are you willing to pay?" asked Gin.

"How cruel, Sakata-san." said the old man, "I gave you that dango, and isn't the new year the season for giving?"

"We won't be able to feed this one," Gin jabbed his thumb in Kagura's direction, "if we don't get any pay."

"Listen," the old man said, "I am willing to give you free food the entire time you're working."

Kagura leapt up, "**I'm in, old man! The new year is the time for giving!**"

"That was fast!" Shinpachi exclaimed.

"Gin-san, you can work at the parfait stand if you like."

Gin leapt up, "**I'm in, old man! The new year is the time for giving!**"

"You too?" asked Shinpachi.

"I heard Otsu-chan said she thinks people who work at festivals are good-looking," the old man suddenly seemed to remember after Kagura elbowed him.

Shinpachi leapt up, "**I'm in, old man! The new year is the time for _love_!**"

"Thank you all," the old man bowed. "I'll see you tomorrow night." He brushed off his apron, and left, the door sliding shut behind him.

"Right then," declared Gin, "In order for me to get the most parfaits, we need to practice our cooking."

"Ok!" said Shinpachi. "I'll be on the net looking at advice!"

"Ok!" said Kagura, "I'll go do field research on the preparation of dango!"

"Ok!" said Gin, "I'll go eat a parfait!"

"Wait, Gin-san, that isn't fair!" Shinpachi began what was going to be another of their drawn out squabbles. Kagura recognized the symptoms, and left them arguing, and walked toward the nearest dango stand.

"Hello." said Kagura.

"Welcome!" many of the vendors knew of her renowned appetite. This meant that just having her could often in your restraunt could pay for your food for a month,

"I'm going to be working in a festival," said Kagura, seating herself, "And I need to know how to make good dango."

"Would you like to buy some?" asked the old man.

"Well, I only have the money for one," she said regretfully, "but, sure, for research. You know, for the wine of science." The bemused vendor began to prepare her dango.

"For the sake of science, you mean?" he asked.

"Sake, wine, what's the difference?" she said. The old man handed her the dango.

"There you are, young lady." As you can see, you roll the sweet rice flour into spheres," Kagura looked down at the dango, "And you boil it in the hot water until it floats." Kagura's mouth watered. "Then, you put them on this bamboo skewer." A drip of drool rolled down her chin. "Then, you either get your soysauce, or sweet bean paste."

"I can't hold it in any longer!" Kagura burst out, and she devoured the entire thing.

"So this is the sewer," she said, looking at the bamboo stick.

"Oy! Don't go calling things in my stall a sewer. People will get the wrong idea. It's a skewer, a skewer."

"Right..." she said slowly, looking at the stick.

"Then," continued the man, "You put the paste or the soysauce-"

"I can't visualize it anymore. What's going on?" asked Kagura, "Where do I put the paste? Or is it soysauce? What do I do with the sewer, anyway?"

"Skewer, skewer!" the old man corrected anxiously.

Just then, another customer entered the stall.

"I'd like a dango **without mayonnaise**." said Okita.

"Oh! It's you!" said Kagura.

"Yo."

"Right then, here you are." the old man handed Okita his dango. Suddenly, Kagura snatched it.

"Ne, Captain, it's ok if I borrow this right? Just for a second? Just for a brief search."

"Isn't it the police officer who should search people's belongings?" Okita wanted to know.

"That's research." translated the old man, amazed that this girl had the guts to steal dango from one of the most dangerous in the Shinsengumi.

"How do you research dango?" asked Okita.

"I'm learning how to make it, uh-huh."

"What are you willing to give me so I'll lend it to you?"

She pulled out a piece of sukonbu and shoved it into his mouth, returning to her observation of the dango.

"Oh! I get it!" she said. "The bean paste and the soysauce go on top!"

"Right," said the old man.

"Yay! That wasn't so confusing." she turned to Okita, "Ne, you've got lots of money. Can't I just have this one?"

"No!" he snatched it away.

"You're so cruel, Captain!" she pouted. He smiled somewhat bitterly.

"I know."

"Such is the folly of youth." she said sagely, "You'll realize you ought to give people like me dango when you're older."

"I'm way older than you!"

"Oh yeah? How old are you then?"

"Umm..six hundred and eight?"

"Oh really? Well I'm still way older than you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Then how old are you?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Okita," Kagura shook her head, waggling her finger at him, "What do they teach you at the Shinsengumi, anyway? You should know better than to ask a woman her age!" she nodded to the old man, "one of the mistakes of youth," she sighed.

"Indeed.." he sighed, as if from experience.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, little one?" asked Okita patronizingly.

"Shut up, bishonen. I'll have you know I'm seven hundred and nine years old."

"Do you need help getting off the stool, granny?"

"You have admitted my victory!" Kagura was elated, leaping off the stool.

"In your dreams." Said Okita, paying for his dango, and following Kagura out of the stand.

"Keep dreaming, shrimp." she countered.

"Dream on, chibi." he replied.

"Hold fast to your dreams, shonen!" she exclaimed in an outburst of samurai spirirt.

"No," he said, "I don't think that one fits with the pattern.."

"Anyway, what are you doing out here this late, Okita?" she asked.

"Keeping the citizens safe."

"Really? Like, what do you do?"

"Well, recently we cracked down on people riding bikes without lanterns. Safety first, of course," he fingered his bazooka.

"Right. Then, where are you headed now?"

"If you don't mind, I feel it's my personal duty to make sure this little kid gets home safely." He patted her on the head.

"I'm an old granny, you know." she corrected. He smiled, and leaned toward her in a way that was almost protective, then said,

"Either way, it's in the interest of the populace to make sure she doesn't injure anyone on the way home." She punched him,

"Don't be disrespecting me, punk!"

"Sorry, granny." She smiled at him, and they arrived at Odd Jobs Gin.

"Make sure to come to the festival, chibi." she said. He shrugged.

"Maybe I'll make it. See you around, **shrimp**."

She walked inside, and he began to walk away, when from inside, he heard her holler:

"**What did you call me, you pipsqueak**?"


	10. Waterguns and Fireworks

Sorry for a bit of a late post on this one. Here is part two of the "festival arc"! ^-^ Please enjoy and review! Thank you all for reading. ^-^

* * *

The next day was the day of the festival. Kagura wore a kimono for the first time in her life. She emerged to the sitting room wrapped in red with a vibrant pattern of flowers after fighting for half an hour with the black sash. Gin and Shinpachi were also dressed up, with significantly less trouble, in men's kimonos. Practice makes perfect, they say.

"Alright!" said Gin, once they had all gathered, "Let's get fired up before we go to work."

"**For the sake of free food**!"cheered Kagura.

" **For the sake of parfaits**!" cheered Gin.

" **For the sake of love**!" cheered Shinpachi.

And on that note, the three of them left for the festival grounds.

Kagura stood behind the counter, making and selling the dango. At the very beginning, there weren't very many customers, so she made herself a plate of the dango to eat during her shift. Soon, though, a line began to form. As the festival really got under way, and she ended up making the dango as fast she could.

She furiously counted yen, and handed out dango in a flurry of fingers, yen, and sticky dango. Looking up for an instant, Kagura saw no sign of Okita in the crowd. He was probably too busy slacking off to make it to the festival. There was no way he would show up.

Kagura forced herself to brighten up. Just looking at all the hungry people was enough to get her fired up about making and serving them dango. All these people were the same as her when it came to dango. They were all there to satisfy their hunger. If the reason Gin fought was to protect his friends, the reason Kagura cooked was to protect her comrades-in-dango. She transformed into a beaming whirlwind of dango serving, bustling as she turned to get dango, turned to give dango. Each dango was her little child, out to experience the world, and make it a better place.

She smiled, therefore, like a proud mother as she worked harder than she had for a long time. Her feet began to hurt, her throat was getting sore, and she was flushed, but she was so carried away that she didn't notice until the rush settled down.

Then, Kagura rested against the counter to eat some of her own personal dango. As she closed her eyes to relish the flavor after so much work, a man in a dark Shinsengumi uniform sat down. He leaned way forward on the counter, his chin supported by his palms.

"Just so you know, I already spent all my money." he said. Kagura's eyes shone. He had shown up. She turned to her plate, putting together a stick of dango from her reserve.

"I'm allowed to have them free," she said, "so here's one for me, freshly in the sewer."

Okita's dark red eyes caught hers as he took the dango, and ate it slowly.

"It's a skewer."

"Whatever. Was it good? I'm supposed to have eaten that, you know."

His eyes were soft. "It was.

"Yum, what great dango I just ate!" she exclaimed.

He put one hand behind his head, ruffling through his hair, as if maybe he could get into his brain through there and find the right words. Finally, his eyes glossed back to their default state. He held out what could only be described as a huge water gun. It was more towards a water bazooka, actually. The thing was massive and dangerous looking.

"I won this in one of those stands back there. You can have it." he offered, his mask of apathy back in place. She lit up, and grabbed it.

"You're the best!" she cheered.

He remained at the stand until her shift ended, watching her customers coming and going, and talking to her when there were less.

"How's danna these days?"

"He's still eating more parfaits than is good for him."

"Sounds like he's pretty much healthy, then."

"Seems like it."

"Maybe its just that _you're_ not eating _enough_ parfaits."

"He _does_ say all my problems are caused by calcium deficiency."

"Maybe you make up for it in all the rice you eat."

"And after he says that he drinks strawberry milk—Oh, hello! Would you like some dango?"

When she had closed up the stall, and stepped outside to admire her water gun, he revealed his own water bazooka.

"I, Captain Okita, declare war on you!" He aimed, and fired. Once, twice, mercilessly.

"You're going down, Captain!" Kagura dodged each burst of water, and retaliated.

She flew at Okita, bobbing and weaving around, firing, and then jumping back. He charged his up, hand furiously sliding back and forth, and then held the gun over his shoulder like a bazooka, and leaned backward, shooting a powerful parabola of icy water. Kagura ran toward him, dodging the huge shot, proclaiming,

"This war of water has only just begun!"

Okita seemed to have decided the same thing. She was only about a foot away, and, without warning, he shot her point blank. He laughed sadistically, watching Kagura transform instantaneously from completely dry to soaking wet. She stood there, shaking, dripping.

"You should have held onto your umbrella. _It_ could have kept you dry." he jeered.

Kagura decided the time had come to give Okita a taste of his own medicine.

"Revenge of the sukonbu!" she burst out, attacking with various amounts of water, at random.

He ducked left and right, avoiding the attacks she was launching with wild abandon, until she fired one lucky shot, hitting him full in the face.

Their battle ended abruptly as an announcement echoed through the grounds that the fireworks were about to go off, so everyone should come to the open courtyard to view them clearly. Okita thus managed to emerge unscathed from their battle, with the exception of his dripping hair. Kagura tucked the water gun under her left arm, and, with her right, grabbed his hand, and said, "Let's go!"

Her hand was wet and slippery from firing her water gun. It fit rather nicely into Okita's hand. Not that he noticed, or anything. He was too busy drying his hands off, of course.

She led him to a spot on the grass, and they sat down next to one another.

"I wonder what the fireworks will be like this year." asked Kagura. He looked curiously at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, they'll be big and sparkly, but what shapes will they be? What colors will they be? What shapes?"

"Maybe there will be a big bazooka." he suggested apathetically.

"Or a big piece of sukonbu!"

"Real original." he deadpanned, his eyes on Kagura. She was smiling brightly, as if she could be content to sit here and fantasize about fireworks with him forever, although her kimono was dripping wet, and she had her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Or maybe a huge Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon!" she continued.

"The show would get canceled for sure," he mused, observing her, before turning his eyes, slowly, to the sky. It had grown dark, and, without warning, the first firework lit up the sky. A big burst of purple exploded before their eyes, shimmering and crackling and then gone in a puff of smoke.

"Whoa!" Kagura gasped. Now that it was dark, however, it had also grown colder. As a second firework lit up the sky, Okita noticed that Kagura was shivering.

He slipped his arms out of his jacket, and wrapped it gently around her shoulders.

"Just for tonight, just to you," he whispered, "I can be nice."

Kagura leaned onto his shoulder, warming herself, her nose in his hair.

"For the first time tonight," she replied, "you _smell_ nice."

"I took a bath before coming. And I _always_ smell nice." he said.

"Aah, that's it," she said, looking back at the sky, "Well, I'm relieved you actually grasp the concept of hygiene."

"I couldn't stand to be the bishonen character if I didn't..."

"Ah. I see." she seemed to understand, then burst out— "Whoa, look! That one looks like a pair of chopsticks!"

"No, that one is obviously a bazooka." She turned to roll her eyes at him. Her eyes found his, as he met her gaze, watching a red firework reflected in the blue ocean of her eyes, and then leaned toward her. Their lips met for just an instant, and the she whispered,

"Happy New Year, Sadist."

"Happy New Year, China." And then she slipped her warm hand into his, and they both looked back up the sky.


	11. Presenting the Puzzle Pieces

Here's the first part of another multiple chapter "arc." Thanks for reading! Please enjoy. ^-^

* * *

The next morning, Gin was in bed until lunchtime after staying up too late the night before. Kagura sat in the office, swinging her legs as she chewed on sukonbu on the couch, watching the shopping channel.

Without warning, the doorbell rang.

"But if I leave I won't be able to learn what the Round and Round Fat Burner[TM] does. I might get a double burger, Johnny," muttered Kagura.

The doorbell rang again.

"Danna!" came a familiar voice. Kagura flicked off the TV, walking to the door.

"Hai," she greeted Okita, who looked annoyed.

"Where's danna?" he asked.

"Sleeping." she replied.

"Still?"

"Nun's habits die hard." misquoted Kagura.

"Old habits." corrected Okita. Mostly out of habit.

"Well, whatever," she said, leading him inside, "Like they say, you can't teach a gold dog new tricks," thinking, "although he's more like a silver dog..."

"The saying was 'old dog' anyway," Okita said, dismissing the problem with a wave of his arm, "If I was going to bazooka him to the next galaxy, would you try to stop me?" he asked lethargically.

"Let sleeping dogs fry," said Kagura dismissively.

"Well, that's no fun for me then. I'd rather fight you about it than actually do it." he said.

"I'll go bang on his door then. Bring a bucket of cold water?" she asked.

"Certainly." he answered, as one seemed to materialize in his hand. "I was saving this one for Hijikata, but.."

He heard Kagura bang on the door, then slide it open. Okita walked in, bucket of water in hand.

"Wake up!" Kagura hollered into his ear, "I have JUMP!"

"Juuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmp.." muttered Gin, "Giivvve the JUMPP..."

Okita promptly dumped the ice water on his head.

"Not.. JUMP." Gin was bewildered, sitting up, looking around. Kagura looked over at Okita.

"The sadist interrupted my shopping channel to ask for you." she informed him. Gin sat up. Okita sat down on the floor.

"The Shinsengumi requires the services of the Yorozuya Gin. You will do anything for money, right, danna?"

Gin scratched his head. "That is the idea." he affirmed.

"Right then. We need you to hunt down a certain person."

"How much will you pay us? In terms of how much sukonbu it can buy me." demanded Kagura, as they walked to the sitting room.

"About a week's worth." he answered.

"Only a week?" asked Kagura.

"We're not going to spend it all on sukonbu." Gin entered the room, dressed.

"The Shinsengumi is low on funds after hiring Otsu-chan."

"What else would we spend it on _besides_ sukonbu?"

"Besides, you eat a lot of sukonbu per week."

"Parfaits."

"You need to watch your blood sugar, uh-huh, old man."

"Your week of sukonbu is anyone else's lifetime supply."

"And JUMP."

"Everyone else just doesn't eat _enough_ sukonbu."

"Plus, I was actually going to pay the rent this month."

"Does calling him an old man mean you acknowledge you're just a kid?"

"You never pay the rent."

"Maybe _you_ just need to eat less sukonbu."

"Who are you calling a kid, kid?"

"I don't know if she could eat any less sukonbu, danna. Maybe its in her programming."

"All right, I wasn't going to pay the rent."

"I missed my TV programming today thanks to _you_, sadist."

"I never got my JUMP."

"I haven't even got to the point yet. Anyway, if you weren't going to pay the rent, what were you going to pay, danna?"

"For sukonbu!"

"I was going to pay Kagura and Shinpachi."

"In that case, you really could spend it all on sukonbu."

"What about Shinpachi?"

"He doesn't need a paycheck."

"I thought maybe she wanted you to pay him in sukonbu."

"Who ever heard of paying in sukonbu?"

"Sukonbu fixes everything."

"Who would work for sukonbu, anyway?"

"I would."

"You've got one, there."

"So that's one."

"She counts for ten."

"I'm the Most Fallible Employee!"

"Valuable."

"No, probably fallible."

"Ten failed employees is better than one."

"On what planet?"

"It's the principle the Shinsengumi works on."

"Which tells us what?"

"The first step to healing is admitting that you have a problem."

"Indeed."

"The only one with a problem-"

"Why not get paid in-"

"-is the one getting paid in sukonbu."

"Sadaharu says-"

"Parfaits?"

"Arf-arf all the time."

"So don't accuse me of-"

"JUMP would be ok, too."

"Being weird."

"But he never accuses me of having problems. People should"

"I would say-"

"arf-arf all the time, too."

"I really did want the-"

"-that if I could I would get paid in chances to injure-"

"I think the solution is-"

The door opened, and Shinpachi walked in.

"Good morning, Gin-san, Kagura-chan. Oh! It's Okita. What brings you here?"

"JUMP."

"Hijikata."

"Sukonbu."

"Excuse me?"

Okita shifted in his seat, sensing logic, and aimed toward it, like a plant growing toward the light.

"The Shinsengumi would like you to find this person," he said, sliding a manila envelope across the table. Shinpachi lifted the envelope, pulling out a picture, a brightly colored flyer, and a coupon.

Kagura grabbed the coupon. "Mayo?" she read.

Gin looked at the picture, while Shinpachi lifted the flyer.

" 'Prince of Badminton Racquet Camp' ?" he read.

"Those are the possible places the criminal could have gone. He was being held at the Shinsengumi headquarters, and was shown both of these documents, so those are likely things for him to have investigated." Okita informed them.

"What kind of criminal are we dealing with?" asked Gin.

"Maybe a ninja? A zombie? A pirate? Do the details really matter?" Okita replied.

"Of course." answered Gin, "Have you ever heard of the space pirate Captain Katsura?"

"Who's that?" asked Okita.

"Never mind," answered Gin, "Zura wouldn't want me to blow his cover if that was who this criminal was."

Kagura leaned over the picture.

"This doesn't look like Zura anyway." she added. Suddenly, a large white shape appeared in the window holding up a sign, which read:

"It's not Zura. It's Katsura."

Okita happened to look out the window at that particular moment.

"Well, I leave the rest to you," he said, sprinting to the window, eyes gleaming red, "**_Die, Katsura!_**"

* * *

I realize that the dialog in the middle (without names) is probably a bit confusing, but I did feel it created a nice sense of chaos. If you think it is simply too confusing, though, please review and let me know, and I can fix it straight away. Thanks for reading. ^-^


	12. A Puzzling Case Solved

Here's the end of the not-so-mysterious two part "Mystery" arc. Please review and enjoy! ^-^

* * *

Odd Jobs Gin walked down the street, looking for any stores selling discount mayonnaise and badminton courts.

"This looks like it could be it!" said Shinpachi, pointing at a man with an eye-patch, who was serving. Gin rushed toward him. Now that he was closer, he realized the man had two eye-patches. He looked familiar.

Okita walked up to where Kagura was watching Gin interrogate the man.

"Is that your suspect?" he asked, turning to her.

"Yes," she replied, "Highly suspicious, uh-huh." Okita pulled out his bazooka, aiming it at the man, and pulling the trigger.

When the dust cleared, both Gin and the man were laying on the ground.

"What did you do do Gin-chan?" demanded Kagura, grabbing him by his collar.

"They look alright," observed Shinpachi.

"Aw." Okita was looking detachedly at Kagura, hanging by his neck. "I missed."

"What are you talking about you idiot?" Kagura yelled, swinging him left to right, "You could have killed them!"

He simply observed her explosive fury calmly, flopping back and forth as she shook him violently.

The man with the two eye-patches sat up, and Shinpachi sighed.

"That guy's from the Shinsengumi. We got the wrong guy. I'm awfully sorry about that," he turned to the man.

"Ah." Okita looked over at the man, Kagura following his gaze, enraged. "Yamazaki. Sorry about that." He didn't sound sincere in the slightest.

"We're awfully sorry about that," Shinpachi echoed, "But we were searching for a pirate, and, well, with the eye patches, you looked very conspicuous."

"What kind of a pirate wears an eye-patch in this day and age?" asked Yamazaki.

"Captain Katsura," answered Gin, coming to.

"Gin-san!" Kagura dropped Okita in her happiness to see him alive. Okita rubbed his neck.

"That name sounds familiar," Yamazaki said, trying to remember where he had heard it before. "But I wear these eye patches because I often get hit in the eyes while playing badminton. Well, really, it happens when I'm on the bench, but.." he trailed off.

"Who ever heard of that?" demanded Gin.

With a thwack, two birdies came soaring towards them and hit Yamazaki square in the eyes.

Rubbing his eyes, Yamazaki moaned, "Like that."

"I believe you." said Okita, who was holding a racquet.

Gin, Shinpachi and Kagura were back on the streets of Edo, Okita tagging along, to look for the disappeared criminal.

"Maybe we should look at that picture again." suggested Shinpachi, "You said it was a criminal, right?" Okita looked at the envelope.

"Oops." he said, "My bad, I think the one we're looking for was actually someone's escaped pet."

"How do you mix those two up?" Kagura wanted to know.

"If you looked at Sadaharu, what would you think?" Okita asked.

"Pet" from Shinpachi.

"Criminal" from Gin.

"And there you are."

"Sadaharu is my friend!" Kagura smacked Okita upside the head, "But let's look at the picture anyway."

Okita removed the picture from the envelope, and held it so they could all see.

"It appears to be some sort of gorilla." deduced Detective Kagura.

"Indeed." agreed Detective Gin.

"That's Kondo!" exclaimed Shinpachi, exasperated.

"Any new ideas where he would be?" asked Okita, not sounding interested in the slightest.

"At my house." Shinpachi had no doubt about this. What a waste of an afternoon.

They proceded in the direction of the dojo.

Shinpachi's theory was confirmed by the shouting and crashes emerging from the dojo. Okita looked curiously at the dojo. Kagura looked over at him, and patted him on the back.

"Don't worry, that's normal. He probably might make it out alive."

"I wasn't really worried." he replied.

"_I'm_ worried about your sister," Gin was saying to Shinpachi, "It must be hard having been raised by gorillas."

"She wasn't raised by gorillas!" Shinpachi exclaimed, for the fiftieth time, and walked toward the house to see if he could rescue Kondo before the Shinsengumi sued them off the face of the earth.

"A hopeless case," shrugged Okita.

"In case of emergency, send in Shinpachi," explained Gin.

"Case closed," added Kagura.


	13. Telephone and Two Tickets

The residents of Kabuchiko play telephone. Please enjoy! ^-^

* * *

"Hey, Toshi, I heard Sougo bought movie tickets for the first time ever."

"That kid? If its rated PG, you better go with him, Kondo." Hijikata pointed to one of the rules in the Shinsengumi regulations. Kondo frowned.

"Couldn't you go with him?" He asked. A mayonnaise-shaped pen scratched across the paper, then Hijikata held up the regulations again.

"I could, but then you'd have to commit seppuku."

* * *

"Hey, Yamazaki-san, you're a spy. I have a job for you."

"Commander." Yamazaki turned his head to Kondo before looking back across the court, and hitting a birdie over the net.

"Sougo is going to see a movie. I need you to find out what movie is."

"That was cheating! You can't hit the birdie twice! That point wasn't fair!"

"Um, Yamazaki, are you listening to me?"

"Sorry, Commander, what were you saying?"

"I said that-"

"Ok then, I'm alright with replaying the point. But it's my serve, ok?"

"-Sougo is going to see a movie. I need you, as a spy, to find out what movie it is. And what it's rated."  
"I've got it!" Yamazaki knew he could win if he hit this one right.

"Good." Kondo nodded, satisfied, and walked away, as Yamazaki victoriously smashed the birdie onto the other side of the net to win the game.

"What was the commander saying to me?" he mused, "That the Captain was going to eat, and is moody? Yes, that must have been it. I should warn anyone selling food, so they don't annoy him..."

* * *

"Hello, you are Otose-san, right?"

"That's me. And you are?"

"Yamazaki Sagaru. Pleased to meet you. I would say that your snack shop is the most visited in Kabukicho; is that correct?"

"I'm flattered."

"Its all because of the moe, cat-eared waitress character."

"You're not moe. Aah, my eyes! That hurt!"

"Catherine! Mind your manners. Are you alright, Yamazaki-san?"

"Don't worry, it happens regularly. I was just coming by to warn you in case the Captain comes here for dinner; the Commander said he was moody. Be careful when talking to him."

"We ought to be alright, but thank you for the warning."

"Good evening, then."

"Good evening to you." The bell on the door jingled.

Ms. Otose turned to Catherine, who was still upset at being called "not moe", and was muttering insults under her breath.

"I wonder why Yamazaki-san thought Okita-san was going to eat at my snack shop. Didn't he just say the Captain was going to eat? You would think he could do that at the Shinsengumi headquarters."

"It's not always easy to relax in one's own workplace," she frowned, "People say such rude things sometimes. He probably was moody and wanted to get away to rest up."

"That makes sense." Otose nodded. "We should tell Tama to watch out as well, then. She's on break right now."

"I'll do that. I need to get away from my workplace, too. It's not easy being the moe cat eared character."

* * *

"Hey, Tama-san." Catherine called out in her stilted Japanese.

"Yes?"

"The old lady wanted me to warn you about Okita-san."

"Of the Shinsengumi? My data tells me he is a sadistic bishonen with a large bazooka, and that his current mood is: moody."

"How do you get such up-to-date data?" Catherine was somewhat frightened.

"I update hourly from internet episode reviews. This is what I do on my breaks."

"I see. Well, you don't have to worry about me, then. You can keep my mood on 'moe,' all the time."

"Shall I store that data under science fiction, or fantasy?"

"Well, I have to get back to the counter." Catherine's japanese pronunciation got even worse as she turned to storm off, miffed. She relayed her intended message as fast as she could, "Otose-san-wanted-me-to-tell-you-that-Okita-is-going-to-rest-up." And then she marched inside.

"Okita-san is going to a restaurant?" Tama-chan wondered why she needed to know this.

* * *

"Oy, Tama. The TV's broken."

"I'm not here to fix the TV, Gin-san. I'm here to collect the rent."

Gin knew that the time was right to bring out his secret weapon.

"It's alright, TV! Gin still loves you!" he turned to the television set, "So stay with me, you hear? Don't leave me now. I wanted to tell you how I feel, but now it's too late!"

"Come back to us!" Tama-chan was moved, and immediately began adjusting parts of the television set. Suddenly, an image flickered onto the screen.

"This is _The Edo_, bringing you a story on the Shinsengumi. Recently, the Shinsengumi has become even more dedicated to eradicating the anti-amanto factions. Members of the Shinsengumi include: Kondo Isao, Hijikata Toshiro, Okita Sougo..."

"Speaking of Okita-san, Catherine told me something weird today. She said, out of the blue, that Okita-san is going to eat at a restaurant."

"He's going out to eat, huh? I always thought she was weird, but I didn't think she was a _stalker."_

_ "Did someone say stalker?"_

"You can go back into the ceiling now."

"I seem to have lost my glasses. Which way is the ceiling?"

* * *

Otae Shimura wanted to free herself of a stalker, so she was asking for advice.

"Yes, I know all about stalkers," the mysterious ninja answered, "I even learned of a new one today. It was something to do with the Shinsengumi."

"Really?" Otae was thrilled. Maybe this was about the gorilla himself!

"Yes. Apparently some waitress is a stalker; she stalks one of the Shinsengumi."  
"Oh. Someone's stalking someone _in _the Shinsengumi, then." She was disappointed.

"Yes."

"A waitress is a stalker, you said? That _is _a good disguise. I'll have to watch out for waitresses that look like gorillas." Otae made a mental note to be careful.

All this talk of waitresses was making the ninja hungry, so she fixed herself some natto on the spot, and began to eat.

"Yup," she said, "It seemphs she founph ouph Okita waph going ouph to eaph." she relayed though a mouthful of natto.

"Thanks for your advice."

"Happhy to helph." The ninja disappeared in a cloud of natto.

* * *

"I warned Otose-san that Okita-san was going out to eat, and moody." Yamazaki reported back to Kondo brightly.

"I said he was going to see a movie!" Kondo exclaimed, "Now I might have to commit seppuku!" He began to sweat profusely.

"Don't worry." Hijikata had reentered the room, "I found out what movie it is. He's going to see the best movie of all time. Okita-kun has finally seen the light!"

"Okita-_kun_?" asked Kondo.

"Don't you usually tell him to walk toward the light?" asked Yamazaki.

"No, this time I mean it! I know what movie he's watching!"

"Thank goodness," Kondo sighed in relief, "What movie is it?"

"Alien vs. Yakuza!"

"Oh no! That's pretty violent, isn't it?" Kondo was certain he was now stuck with babysitting Okita on a beautiful night when he could be out stalking Otae.

"Yeah, it can't be even rated PG!" Yamazaki added.

"That's alright, then." Hijikata held up the rules.

"Younger members of the Shinsengumi must be escorted to movies rated PG. **by the Commander.**"

"It doesn't say anything about other movies." noted Kondo with relief.

"Part of that looks handwritten—aah! My eyes! What was that for, vice-commander?"

* * *

"Onego, can you teach me how to be ladylike?" Kagura asked, "Nobody at home acknowledges my female side."

"I understand how you feel, Kagura-chan," Otae beamed at the girl, "so I will teach you how to be ladylike. One ladylike profession is to be a waitress." she began.

"A white dress? To get married?"

"No, a waitress, a waitress. As a matter of fact, I can teach you how to prepare some basic foods, if you would like." Otae held up an omelette that looked like it had drowned before being electrocuted and and then catching fire.

"No thanks." Kagura poked the omelet curiously, "What else could help me be a good waitress?"

"Well, here's something _not_ to do. I heard there is a waitress who is a stalker. You shouldn't be a stalker, Kagura-chan."

"Any specific tips on how to not be a stalker?"

"Well, for example, this waitress found out that Okita-san is... what did that ninja say through her natto?" she paused, remembering, _Okita waph going ouph to eaph. _"Okita-san is going out with someone."

"What? I didn't know about this!" Kagura was in shock. Why hadn't he told her?

Kondo popped out from under the table.

"He is?" he asked in surprise.

Otae punched him in the face.

"Shouldn't you know about these sorts of things?" Kagura asked him.

"I _did _wonder when I heard he had two tickets to a movie."

* * *

Kagura was feeling dejected. She sat on the sofa, watching Gin-chan pick his nose and read JUMP, and Shinpachi do a crossword puzzle.

"What's something you use in a train?" asked Shinpachi.

"Training requires hard work, passion, and bonding between the main characters." Gin said, before returning to his jump.

"No, I mean _in a train_."

"An umbrella."

"No, that's for _in the rain_. You two are useless."

The doorbell rang.

"Oy, China!"

"I think it's for you." Kagura turned to Shinpachi.

"Good evening." The sadist looked bored, as usual.

"Hey, sadist, I heard something from Otae and Kondo today."

"Kondo-san? What was he saying about me?"

"He said you were going out with someone." She looked away from him.

"I'm not going out with anyone." Where had this rumor come from?

Kagura avoided his eyes for a moment, and studied her shoes.

Okita looked down at her shoes as well.

"Seriously?" she asked him.

"Seriously."

"Then, who are you going to see _Alien vs. Yakuza _with?" she asked.

Okita met her eyes.

"You, if you'll come."

Her eyes lit up.

Okita held up two tickets.


	14. Recycle and Plant a Potted Plant

Sorry for the late, short post on this one. It's the second part of Okita and Kagura's date. I'll post what will probably be the final part on Sunday.

* * *

Okita pulled the yellow rubber gloves up, snapping them around each elbow, wiggling his fingers.

There was, in fact, a very good reason Okita was carrying a large pot overflowing with poisoned ivy into the movie theater. He set the pot down heavily, scattering leaves on the ticket counter, causing the employee to look up. Okita lightly rested one hand on the hilt of his katana and watched the employee's eyes expectantly, waiting for a reaction.

"Um...Can I help you?" The employee nervously straightened his nametag, which read: "Bob", unable to meet Okita's eyes.

"I meant to plant flowers in this pot before bringing it here, but it somehow turned out like this." Okita stated apathetically, unconvincingly.

"Er, really? That was nice of you...sir."

"Wasn't it?" Okita looked pleased with himself, "Anyways, I wanted it to be a warning for you." He stared blankly at Bob, who went very pale. Okita indulged in his sadistic moment, watching Bob squirm.

"A...a warning?" Bob finally managed to ask.

"Yes. You do have a policy in which customers can bring their own popcorn tubs and by popcorn by the pound?"

The employee looked desperately relieved, grasping at the chance to please.

"Yes sir. It's to help conserve resources, you see. Reduce, reuse, recycle! We believe that it is important to consider the impact of waste on the environment. All sorts of waste comes from theaters, like drink cups and old straws, that magical goo that sticks people's feet to the floor, napkins, snacks, things that people throw at the screen, and most importantly, popcorn tubs. We believe that customer-brought popcorn tubs should be our first step to a better Edo." He pasted on a salesman's smile, shaking noticeably.

Okita considered this. The employee shifted from foot to foot. Okita noticed and continued immobile. Bob flattened his nametag. Straightened his shirt. Looked back up at the Shinsengumi member standing across from him. The silence stretched out, filling the air and saturating the room, pressing against the door and suffocating him. Bob loosened his collar and said,

"But what does this have to do with the poison ivy?" As soon as the words left his mouth, the employee seemed to regret them.

Okita beamed.

"I just wanted to warn you..."

The door swung open, and a redheaded Yato girl entered, carrying a large bathtub up to the popcorn maker, bright blue eyes sparkling as they met Okita's, then turning to the poison ivy to complete his sentence:

"Things don't always go as plant."


	15. Alien vs Yakuza

Sorry for a bit of a late post on this one. So Okita and Kagura are still in the theater this week. Thanks for reading! ^-^

* * *

Kagura walked into the theater and set the bathtub full of popcorn on the chair next to her, as Okita sat on her other side, leaving behind a confused employee named Bob and a large pot of poison ivy.

As "Alien vs. Yakuza" began to play, Kagura plunged her hand into the bathtub of popcorn and left her hand to operate mechanically from the tub to her mouth and back.

_Dramatic Music 1_

_*Yakuza sits at bar, sighs. Looks intellectual. Oy, that doesn't mean put on glasses and read the dictionary, idiot! No that isn't what it sounded like I meant. Honestly, are you even listening to me? Fine. What I meant was to look pensive. Like you are thinking deep thoughts. Stare off into space. That's it! Perfect!*_

YAKUZA: The world is changing, isn't it?

MAN NEXT TO HIM: It is.

YAKUZA: Isn't it, though?

MAN NEXT TO HIM: It sure is.

YAKUZA: That's right.

MAN NEXT TO HIM: You've got it.

YAKUZA: I sure do.

*Oy! You sound like you've forgotten your lines. Why was that in the script? Who wrote that? What was the point of those last few lines? Was there any point? Oh, bonding? It was so MAN NEXT TO HIM could be a Meaningful Character? Well, I suppose we can still salvage the scene.*

YAKUZA: What's a Meaningful Character?

_*There's no hope. There is no longer any hope.*_

_Enter ALIEN._

_ALIEN attacks MAN NEXT TO HIM_

_YAKUZA looks devastated._

YAKUZA: How dare you? How dare you touch the MAN NEXT TO ME?

ALIEN: Grrr.

YAKUZA: So that's how it is? You two knew each other in grade school? You sat next to each other?

ALIEN nods.

YAKUZA: He was rich?

ALIEN: Grrr.

YAKUZA: He was an aristocrat?

ALIEN: Grrr.

YAKUZA: He was a duke?

ALIEN: Grrr.

YAKUZA: You think you've known the DUKE longer than me?

ALIEN: Grrr.

YAKUZA: Still not enough, ALIEN.

YAKUZA turns to DUKE.

YAKUZA: DUKE, I am your father.

Okita was watching Kagura, who was absorbed by the drama. She felt his eyes on her and turned to look at him. He reached for the popcorn, but she forced his hand away from it possessively.

"That's my popcorn."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Not particularly."

"Can I take it like one?"

"Do what you want. It's still my popcorn."

"Not for long!"

She stopped his hand again with an arm wrestling grip.

"Let's settle this by arm wrestling!"

"Where would we find a flat surface?"

"Right here!"

"Armrest-ling?

"Why else would they call it that?"

_ALIEN attacks YAKUZA._

He checked. She was still guarding the popcorn.

_Heavy rain begins._

Still alert.

_Turn on fans._

He pretended to focus on the movie.

_Teary music 1._

And Kagura was absorbed once more by "Alien vs. Yakuza." Okita's arm snaked deftly behind her, creeping towards the popcorn, and then darting out all at once. His hand was in the popcorn when Kagura realized he'd gotten to it. She immediately pinned his arm in place, throwing her whole weight into the back of her chair. They remained in a stalemate until,

_YAKUZA stands up, facing wind._

DUKE: Is this true, YAKUZA?

YAKUZA: No, I made it up. I wanted to protect you from the alien.

DUKE: You would do that for me?

YAKUZA: No. I do what I do for mankind. But I am accepting donations.

Kagura's back relaxed, and Okita felt that his arm was no longer held but simply resting across her shoulders. He was now free to retrieve the popcorn. But he did not grab the popcorn and withdraw his arm. Instead, he left it there.

_YAKUZA pulls out sword and attacks ALIEN back._

_Cue ketchup throwers._

_Thunderstorm begins._

_Cue dramatic spotlight._

YAKUZA: I'd rather die than change my way.

_Begin LONG FIGHT SEQUENCE 1._

As alien and yakuza battled it out onscreen, Kagura felt herself drawn toward the screen. Okita was leaning back in his chair. She couldn't tell if he'd fallen asleep with his eyes open, or was watching the movie. Either way, he wouldn't be too much help if she lost control, she decided. She clutched her umbrella with both hands, trembling with adrenaline.

No, the alien had made a wrong move there! She needed to back him up! Wait, what was the yakuza doing? He ought to have just punched the alien right then. No need to fiddle with his sword! She ought to help him, too. Something inside of her chest was stirring, pulling...And then it abated. She could feel the need to fight drop from her chest, moving as a chill down her spine and into her feet. It had her by the ankles. Her feet twitched, itching for the hunt.

A hand waved in front of her face.

"Oy, you there, China?"

"I..need to attack..." she muttered from between gritted teeth.

Okita nodded.

"So that's what this is about."

Suddenly, Kagura began to propel herself out of her chair. She was halfway standing up when Okita reached out to her. She grabbed his hand and clung to it, pulling herself back into her seat.

Okita had lost circulation to his hand due to her iron grip.

"Loosen the death grip, would you?"

"Sorry. It's just.."

"It's fine." He felt pins and needles in his hand, but it lost its bright red color, so he decided he was alright.

YAKUZA: DUKE, I have something to tell you.

DUKE: I'll hear you out. This may be the only thing I can do for you. I am ready to hear anything you want to say to me. I will open my ears, since ears were made for hearing!

YAKUZA: No! "Sincere"s are not just made for hearings! Whether you're in a court of law or not, I believe that a samurai must be sincere all of the time.

Kagura laughed, under control again due to the calming influence of Okita's hand around hers. She was no longer about to fling herself into the picture onscreen.

Okita almost laughed, because that line had sounded so much like something Kagura would have said.

Kagura knew she didn't need to hold onto Okita's hand any longer.

Okita knew Kagura didn't need his hand to restrain her any longer.

But neither of them minded.

And neither of them let go.


	16. DONDAKE!

Thanks for reading! ^-^

* * *

It all happened as a result of Gin-san complaining too much. Which meant, all things considered, that Shinpachi could blame it all on Gin-san. So he happily did. An outsider might not understand, at first glance, why this ought to be blamed on Sakata Gintoki, which is why it is important to start at the beginning.

"Ahh, ahh, that Gintaman is really a lousy manga. The author doesn't seem to understand how to write proper manga."

Already it was Gin's fault. He should have known the author of said manga rode the same train as him. He ought to have known the author of said manga often rode in the same car as him. He ought to have noticed the guy scribbling furiously on a piece of paper next to him. But he didn't. It really was all Gin-san's fault.

The man next to him burst into tears.

He ought to have noticed that, right? That was definitely something anyone would notice. Even a really, really unobservant person ought to have noticed. Gin didn't even look up. He continued,

"JUMP has really gone down the drain recently. Maybe I ought to switch to shoujo manga. People would look at me weird, though. What a pain. Ever since the author changed, the comedy just falls flat for me."

Sniffle.

Gin finally looked at the man next to him.

"Would you stop sniffling? My source of entertainment has failed me, and I can't eat a parfait on the train, but you don't see _me _sniffling, do you?"

"Your upper lip is wobbling and your eyes are all shiny, though."

"Gintaman really was that bad."

"Was it?"

"Yeah. Why, you know the author?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I want to give him a solid punch."

"Um, I'm the author."

Gin considered this for less than a minute.

"Ouch!"

"I feel better now."

Sniffle. "Why did you punch me?"

"To show the construction of true humor."

"That was a kinder response than I expected."

"It's always a good idea to end a conversation in a 'cool' way."

"Then..."

"This is my stop."

"Please teach me how to construct true humor!"

"Another time, perhaps." Gin said in a "cool" voice. And then he "coolly" hit his head on the door. And left.

* * *

Okita was walking Kagura home from the movie,

"Because a little kid like you obviously needs someone to look out for you."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, sadist, but I'll have you know I am eight hundred and ten years old!"

"I have other ways to prove my old age."

"Better ways to prove old age that old age?"

"Certainly."

Kagura was amazed. "Like what?"

"Look, gullible is written on the ceiling!"

"I won't fall for that one." Kagura maintained, holding her head in her hands to stop herself.

"Oh yeah, why not?" His eyes glinted.

"That's the oldest trick in the book!"

The sadist wore a perfect smile.

"Correct."

* * *

Did Shinpachi know that Gin and the writer of Gintaman! rode the same train home? Before that day he was blissfully unaware of the fact. He now knew it, though.

"Will you teach me now, how to construct good humor?"  
"Fine."

"What you lack is a straight man."

"But I put one—"

"No! Your Shimpathy used to be normal, certainly. But those other characters are rubbing off on him. He is no longer capable of being the straight man. You can change him back, or get someone new."

"So real ones are more normal?"

"Certainly. Allow me to show you."

It would have been better if a puppy had followed Gin-san home. It would have been better if Sadaharu had followed him home. It would even have been better if a man dressed as a large white duck-penguin had followed him home.

* * *

"Sometimes Shinpachi acts like Gin-chan and me are crazy."

"No offense to Danna, but you two are pretty close to crazy_._"

"What about me? No offense to me too?"

"No. You can take offense if you want to."

"I'm not crazy!" She faced away from him. Pouting.

"Insane, then?"

"No!"

"Weird?"

"No!"

"Awful?"

"What? You think I'm awful?"

"Awfully cute." he muttered.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing. Weirdo." He glanced sideways.

"Oy! I know you said something nice just then!"

"No I didn't."

"What a sadist. You're lucky; I'm forgiving you this time."

* * *

"Oy, Shinpachi! Come show this guy how to be normal!"

"What is it, Gin-san?"

"We'll make jokes, and you act like yourself."

"Why did the chicken cross the table?"

"To get to the other side dish?"

"It didn't because it was cooked chicken."

"That wasn't funny, Gin-san."

"Three men walked into a bar."

"One asked for a cup of water."

"One asked for a cake."

"The third man was given a cupcake."

"What about the water? Where did the water go?"

"But it was his birthday, and the other two got their cup and their cake."

"Gin-san, that was weird."

"You need better answers, Shinpachi."

"I don't get it."

"Two men walked into a bar."

"The fourth one ducked."

"Wait, you missed the third one."

"The third one _was_ a duck."

"But if they're all men."

"It was Elizabeth. Don't question Elizabeth."

"Isn't she a penguin?"

"She always was too ambiguous to tell."

"Knock-knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Oh no."

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

In order to make it easier on himself, Shinpachi switched to autopilot Shinpachi mode.

"Banana."

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

"DONDAKE!"

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"DONDAKE!"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

"DONDAKE!"

"Who's there?"

"Banana..."

* * *

"But what really gets me is when people overuse phrases."

"Totally."

"Like that. You did that on purpose, didn't you? Sadist."

"Oops. Did I do that." He made no effort to make it sound like a question.

"But that isn't so bad. The one that really gets me is..."

* * *

"DONDAKE!"

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

"DONDAKE!"

"Thank you for helping me, Sakata-san."

He walked happily out the door, humming the theme to Gintaman.

"DONDAKE!" It seemed that Shinpachi was stuck on autopilot Shinpachi mode.

"You can stop now, Shinpachi."

"DONDAKE!"

Gin was beginning to wear down. All of this "DONDAKE!" was giving him a headache. If Shinpachi was stuck like this forever...

"Wake up, Shinpachi!"

"DONDAKE!"

He was going to have to use physical reinforcement. It couldn't be helped. He slapped Shinpachi across the face.

"DONDAKE!"

Whack!

"DONDAKE!"

Whack!

* * *

"No worries, kid. I'll protect you. I'll slap anyone who says that around you."

"Thank you." Her eyes were shining.

"Gotta watch out for kids."

"You're the kid!"

"Kids these days. They never learn."

"Kids these days. They're never stern."

"They never earn."

"It's a great cause for concern."

"I wish they would return."

"Well, we're returning home."

"Does that make us _both—_"

"No!"

"Yeah, definitely not."

"We're returning to the nursing home."

"Since we're so old."

"Yeah, that."

* * *

"Gin-san? Where am I? Why does my face hurt? Why do I have the urge to say: DONDAKE! Ouch! Why did you hit me?"

"No reason."

"Oh, it sounds like Kagura is home."

"Are you finished with the dondake?"

"Yeah. It's well and truly out of my system."

"Good."

* * *

"Good night, then."

Okita and Kagura kissed one another softly, briefly. The door opened. Shinpachi's mouth began to move

"DONDAK-"whack!

Okita brushed his hands off.

Kagura beamed at him.

"Good night, old man."

"You too, granny."

* * *

It really was all Gin-san's fault; Shinpachi nodded in agreement with himself as he rubbed his sore face.


	17. Meanwhile, Evil is Stirring

Here's the next chapter of "Sadaharu". It's way past late; sorry about that. . This chapter is sort of setting up for another "arc" with a new antagonist. I'm planning to put up another chapter soon. Thanks for reading. ^-^

Down in the shadows of Kabuki-cho, something was stirring. Rather, someone was stirring. She stooped over a large bowl of stew, and continued to stir, saying to Gin, "Stir until thoroughly mixed, then add sauce." This woman might have been Sacchan (imagine natto in stew), or it might have been Otae (imagine black puddles of something that is no longer stew), or it might have been someone else; Gin wouldn't remember when he woke. He said,

"See what it's come to? Now I'm dreaming about food every night! We've got to... get... more...food..." And then he fell back onto his pillow. The woman of Gin's dreams continued stirring.

"Oy!" muttered Gin, "Just because I'm dreaming about her doesn't mean you have to call her the woman of my dreams! Anyway, if you're going to ship a pairing, actually _pick_ someone to ship me with!" And then he continued snoring.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a small, dark cave, a monster suddenly stopped snoring. Its eyes flicked open, and it unleashed a powerful punch into its pillow.

"Okita, you sadist, I am NOT a monster!" Kagura blinked. "Okita?" And then she fell back asleep.

* * *

At the same time, in the depths of a dungeon, Shinpachi was fighting desperately for his life. But he needed to make it through this dungeon. He hadn't seen a save point in hours, but he had to win Chome Chome Revolution, Otsuu-chan's new game. His reddened eyes twitched. Surely this was the last floor. If he couldn't be the first to win, would he even be worthy of being captain of the fanclub? He would wake up an hour later, somehow having gamed his way through the dungeon asleep, with a keyboard imprint on his face.

* * *

Simultaneously, deep within a cave, a face etched with permanent hatred melted back into the shadows, taking two steps back from a candle, turning on his heel, a cloak swirling behind him.

"Um, sir?"

"What is it, underling?"

"Your cloak, it's on fire."

"Why didn't you say something sooner? Quick, put it out."

"Yes sir, just first allow me to make a wish."

"A wish?"

"You know, like birthday candles."

"It's no one's birthday."

"But.."

"But it might be the day someone dies..."

"Putting it out right away, sir. Stop, drop, and roll, sir. There is no need to panic. Scorched is in style. All the, um, all the young people are doing it these days."

"You're fired."

"But I'm the supplier's son himself! You can't fire the son of the supplier of Dubious Shipping Inc.!"

"I don't care if you are the goods themselves. I would just as soon dump you into the ocean like the Boston Tea Party."

"Y-yes, sir."

The man with the fashionably singed cloak strode down the cave corridor. He didn't have time for these nuisances.

There was only one thing on his mind. The job he was about to do. He paused in a passageway only to exchange his cloak for a fireproof one. He was perfectly ready, now, to transport Dubious things and execute evil deeds. He was prepared for everything.

Or so he thought.


	18. While Stirring, Bring to a Boil

Here's the second part of the "arc" that began last chapter. I am so sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter out. Thank you for reading, and for all of your reviews ^-^.

* * *

Okita walked toward the sound of loud clanging. His footsteps were measured, slow. Through the cracks between the tall aluminum storage units, he could see flickering orange light. He lifted a pair of Shinsengumi issue binoculars.

Moving slowly closer, down the row, Okita scanned the faces with his binoculars. And then he spotted one he recognized. Its owner appeared to be sporting a singe-proof cloak. Okita had made sure, in secret, to memorize the faces of each person on the Shinsengumi wanted list for this very purpose. When the sadism became overwhelming and his blood-colored eyes swam with the need to hurt, he had wanted a legal outlet. And here it was. He licked his lips, and the sadistic feelings inside him stirred, awakening. He yawned and stretched as if just waking up, himself. This man was a Harusame Space Pirate, a shipper affiliated with Dubious Shipping, Inc., if he wasn't mistaken. Just fine. Okita continued to scan the faces. Something was off. He sensed a presence-

"Well, look what we've got here. If it isn't one of the Shinsengumi's little pups."

Okita spun around to find two very sharp swords pointed at him, glinting in the light of the thin crescent moon.

"Ah, I've been found." He stated, unfazed, stretching once more. "Nothing for it but to give it a go."

In one fluid motion, he had pulled out his sword and knocked both pirates onto their backs.

"Kid's got some guts." The one grunted. They made their way to their feet. "But we'll see what happens when the rest of the reinforcements come."

The man suddenly lurched closer to Okita and swung. Blood-colored eyes narrowed and read the move. Inexperienced, weak, simple. Okita flicked the man's sword up, out of his hand. It arced into the air and embedded itself into a storage crate.

"Now then..." he traced circles in the air with the tip of his blade, "What to do with you..."

It may have been something to do with the way his red eyes were shining, or the crisp perfection of each circle the sword made, like the completion of the crescent moon in the sky, but the two men backed up from Okita, eyes wary.

Luckily for them, more footsteps echoed into the square as the rest of the pirates surrounded Okita. One corner of his mouth was lifted upward sadistically, almost involuntarily, in a grim smile. He settled into his customary stance.

He ducked a jab from behind, kicked the man in front of him, punched left, and slashed vertically to the right. A new ring closed in on him. He sheathed his sword, and caught hold of the wrists of the two men on either side of him, and spun in a circle to take out the men surrounding him, finally letting the two men go, releasing his iron grip and carelessly causing them to fly into the crowd surrounding him.

The next circle hesitated only an instant, and then came toward him with their swords all pointed at him, a deadly, symmetrical ring.

* * *

A closet door slid open, and Kagura tumbled out, her knees and elbows all tangled together.

Sadaharu had rolled over again.

To tell the truth, he had been tossing and turning all night. Kagura dug her fists into her eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them, and decided to get some fresh air, seeing as she probably wouldn't be able to sleep too much more that night. She padded quietly to the door, slid it open, and stepped out onto the balcony. The cold air hit her suddenly, and she gasped involuntarily.

It was cold out.

But not that cold.

The real problem; Kagura's nostrils twitched. She could smell a fight. And... Okita? That sadist! She crossed her arms. The trouble he got up to when she wasn't keeping an eye on him. He was probably causing the citizens trouble, uh-huh.

If she couldn't sleep anyway, thought Kagura, contemplating the thin sliver of a moon, she might as well go and help him. Only her eyes, reflecting the crescent moon for a instant, betrayed her concern.

She hurried back inside, and pulled on her dress and black pants. Her feet barely stopped moving forward as she slipped them into her black flats and stooped to lift her umbrella before running out into the street.

* * *

Okita's eyes glimmered darkly, reflecting the sickle moon. He bent forward and licked his lips, slashing left and right. Had he forgotten something important in the midst of his sadism? Kagura... I might have to apologize to you...

Still, this was his enemy. There were too many of them to over-think it.

He licked his lips again, tripping enemies and then kicking. Flicking the tip of his sword. How to cause the most pain? Carving the image of his sickle moon sword into the minds of his enemies. His red eyes narrowed, calculating.

A second thought flickered through his mind. Kagura... did he need her? To keep him in check?

Almost instinctively, he had not killed any of his opponents. Was this her doing? Maybe it was his innate skill that allowed him to do so, but Okita felt his hold on this mercy was precarious at best. It was slipping.

He slashed a jagged stroke, like a lightning bolt. Its arc cut one attacker, then another.

He turned to continue, and then,

A clang and a couple of quick, light steps atop a storage unit, and then, from above,

"Oy, Sadist, what kind of trouble are you causing this time?"

Kagura's left hand landed first, on his head, and then she propelled herself into the air again, flipping once before landing in front of him, and punching him in the face.

"What are you messing up this time?" she asked, absentmindedly kicking an attacker behind her in the face.

"They're Harusame, China," He said, "So I'm just doing my job as a police officer. You didn't need to save them or anything." His slightly irregular breathing almost gave away how very close he had been.

"Right, then, um," She fidgeted, "Actually, I didn't come to stop you, then, um, of course, uh-huh," She used her umbrella to knock out an attacker over his shoulder.

"Really now?" He stabbed an attacker over her shoulder.

"I came to save you, uh-huh!" She seemed happy with this new explanation.

"Right." He was obviously not convinced.

Both saw an attacker at each other's left side, and leapt up to kick their respective pirates, moving past one another, now facing away from each other.

Instinctively, they moved closer to each other. Back to back. He tightened his grip on his katana.


	19. Once Mixture is Boiling, Add Seaweed

This chapter is the third part of this "arc." It will probably take me some time to get back on a regular schedule, but I hope to continue adding to this story. Thanks again for reading! ^-^.

* * *

Kagura knocked two men down with her umbrella, then slipped it into the back of her dress. She placed both hands on Okita's shoulders, lifted herself, inertia carrying her until her body was almost vertical, in a handstand on Okita's shoulders. He crouched, touching the tip of his katana to the toes of a pirate's boots.

She loosened her grip on his shoulders, and swung her legs back down the way she had come, knocking out two pirates, then letting go and following up by punching two others. Using the momentum from the release of her weight, Okita swung his katana in an upward arc, standing up, taking out another opponent.

Okita kept his right hand fending off attackers, and tapped Kagura's arm with his left. She nodded. Two attackers closed in on them.

He waited, calculating a trajectory. He tapped her arm again, a push, and both simultaneously sidestepped their attackers, who collided with one another in the center.

Kagura, now surrounded, crouched low, then leapt to the outside of the crowd. Okita followed suit, onto the other side of the mass of people.

Sougo met her eyes for an instant, and he yelled,

"Race you to the middle, China."

"It won't even be a competition, Sadist. I'll make it to that side before you can take a step. And I won't kill a single man."

She ducked a stab, balancing herself with one palm on the ground, and kicked a man, sprang to her feet, and began swinging her umbrella furiously.

Okita laughed. "You think you have a hope against me, China? All mine will be alive, too. I'll be next to you before you can say 'sukonbu.' "

He countered one man's swing with a one-handed grip on his katana, leaning forward and closing his hand on the hilt of the other man's katana. He pried the katana out of the man's now clammy hand, fending off attempts of the others to stop him with his original katana. Two deadly sickle moons now swung deftly in his hands.

Kagura locked her umbrella against one pirate's sword, simultaneously jumping up and kicking two attackers from either side, doing a split in midair. As she rose into the air, her umbrella was freed and it connected with the man's chin to send him headfirst at Okita.

"Want a handicap, then?" she asked him. He was using both swords to dig his way into the thinning crowd, and, using one sword, flipped the man upward over his head, unfazed. The man flew up into the air, and Okita muttered,

"Set, spike."

As the man came back down, Okita lifted one sword back over his head, and used the flat side to hit the man back towards Kagura.

"You can have this one back, China. It's defective."

He continued to fight his way through the crowd.

Kagura, who was swirling and twisting through the men as though swimming, hit the man backwards over her head, and, continuing to push through people, hit another one over to him.

"Want a refund, Sadist? You can have another one free."

He kicked one pirate to the side, then hit hers back.

She swung her umbrella like a baseball bat, hitting the man off to the side, and making her way towards the middle.

"Oy, sadist. I don't need to give you any handicap. I'll make it to the middle before you can blink."

He continued attacking with the double swords.

"I just don't blink very much. Got a problem with that? I can blink in dramatic parts!"

Kagura elbowed another attacker out of the way, and found herself one man away from Okita. She fluttered her eyelashes at him mockingly.

"Don't blink, you might miss how much faster I am than you!"

Okita's blade danced in a figure eight, and Kagura found herself back to back with him once again.

"I can top you, China." Both of them lifted their right hand, with umbrella and katana, and hit an opponent behind them, over each other's shoulder.

"You think you can make it next to me quicker," he nodded, "I can stay next to you for longer." They stood back to back. His voice was deep, serious, "I'll stand by you for as long as you want."


	20. When Ready, Bring to Low Simmer

Here is the next chapter of what has turned out to be quite a long "arc." This chapter is rather short, but I plan to put up the next one soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and please enjoy! ^-^

* * *

A large swath of pirates remained standing, swarming around the docks. Kagura frowned. She opened her mouth to yell at the pirates:

"Stay put, would you all? I'm missing my beauty rest for this!" A petulant demand. Okita nodded solemnly.

"Me too." He deadpanned.

The pirates paid no heed to their comments, some trying to salvage their stolen goods, some fleeing, and others attacking the pair.

Furious swings of steel and purple paper cleared a ring around Okita and Kagura for a couple of seconds. They conversed for a moment, as more pirates began to approach.

Swiftly and smoothly, Okita knelt next to Kagura, placing his hands, palm-up, on the ground. Kagura leapt toward him, landing on his hands. His eyes tightened an instant with the effort, knees bending, then he was upright, in a fighting stance, and she, propelled into the air.

High above the pirates, Kagura carefully shot a circle around the pirates, corralling them towards Okita, who had begun knocking them unconscious one after the other. At Kagura's wishes, he was careful not to kill any of them.

The ground was rushing towards Kagura with increasing speed, and she braced herself for impact. Then the concrete was meeting her feet, knees bending, back bowing, bouncing into the impact and turning, pivoting to her left to knock out a couple more pirates.

The morning sky was orange when Okita and Kagura had finally sunk down, breathing hard, against the storage units, side by side. A pile of pirates lay in front of them.

"You have something we can tie them up with, right, Sadist?" Kagura asked expectantly, beginning to rummage through the pockets of his jacket. He

frowned.

"I was sort of saving it..." he hedged, "Don't you have anything?"

Kagura nodded, sitting back on her heels.

"A woman is always prepared, uh-huh!" She pulled out a flattened package of stale sukonbu.

"Sukonbu fixes everything, huh?" his head turned slowly and he met her bright blue eyes with lazy red ones.

"Obviously, uh-huh!" She smiled brightly, though still slightly out of breath. She pulled a piece of sukonbu out from the battered package and shoved it in Okita's mouth. While he choked and spluttered, she dug through his pockets.

She removed a pocket knife, a bottle of pink nail polish, a crumpled pie tin, and an MP3 player labeled "Tetris theme", before Okita coughed down the sukonbu, and reluctantly pulled out a massive butterfly net.

"I was saving this to humiliate Hijikata-san..." he lamented.

Kagura patted him on the shoulder. They then stood and enclosed the pile of pirates in the enormous net.

Okita scanned the scene.

"The other officers will want to see the stolen goods." He noted. "I'll wrap the area in crime scene tape." Kagura waited, slinging the bag of men over her shoulder and behind her, using both hands. She then proceeded to hold the bag with one hand and march off, dragging it behind her.

"I'll leave you behind, you slow sadist!"

He looked up, finished with the tape, and followed her.


	21. Marmalade on Toast is a Good Appetizer

Here's the next chapter. Sorry for being so late with it. . Thanks for reading!

* * *

Kagura strutted down the street, colossal bag dragging carelessly behind her. Okita caught up to her. A slight smirk settled over his features.

"You're so slow, youngster," Kagura remarked nonchalantly, though she was still slightly out of breath.

"Who are you calling a youngster, anyway?" He, too, felt a bit worn.

"Obviously the one of us who is younger."

"That's you."

"Appearances aren't everything, you judgmental bishonen!"

"And yet she calls me a bishonen."

"You call yourself a bishonen, bishonen."

"Some people are simply burdened with beauty," he tossed his hair, straight-faced.

"Don't even get me started!" she agreed vehemently, "It's not easy being so gorgeous, uh-huh."

"Really now."

"I sometimes have to hide my face behind a fan, its so beautiful."  
He tried to imagine her in a kimono, behind a fan.

"An electric fan, uh-huh." she continued, "makes the summer so much more bearable. But Gin-chan broke ours one time...!" Okita laughed, watching Kagura's face change as she recounted that particular episode.

"I prefer to make others do the work for me," he decided, "So I ought to hire some people to keep me cool as well..." this idea appealed to him greatly.

"Ahh," Kagura nodded sagely, "Fangirls."

Okita was torn between the need to laugh and an overwhelming urge to run screaming from the word. "No thank you. Although, they do give me my well-deserved high ranking."

"You shut up about the ranking! If it was based on beauty, I'd be number one, uh-huh. Don't you think you're a bit young to have such a high ranking? Personally, I don't think _children_," this was emphasized condescendingly, "should be burdened with fame before they are old enough to know that they shouldn't behave the way they still do when they're adults."

"If that's true, you shouldn't even be on the ranking list, kid."  
She swung a fist at his head, but he ducked. She frowned.

"What did you think of those pirates?" she asked more seriously.

"They didn't stand a chance against an old man and a little girl," he deadpanned, "so personally I wasn't that impressed."

"A little old lady and a young boy." she corrected. Then, "They were Harusame."

"Not very impressive Harusame."

"I guess." she hedged.

"Worried about who comes next? Any other Harusame you don't want to see?" he inquired.

Her face swiveled away from him. "No." her answer shot from her lips after a long pause.

"None whatsoever?"

"Uh-huh."

"Not even if it was the Shogun with a sharingan?"

"Been there, done that, uh-huh."

"What if all of the card sharks from that downtown casino came to play cards?"

"Wouldn't bother me, uh-huh," she maintained stolidly, "I'm pretty good at Go Fish."

"If you end up playing cards with those card sharks, you have really bad luck."

"I wouldn't play cards with them if I had really bad luck."

"You don't _choose_ to play with them."

"It's fate?" Kagura's eyes were wide.

"Like Hijikata's death," Okita assured her.

"Like when two young souls meet, completely by accident, on a busy sidewalk? One of them is a prince," she sighed dreamily, "The other one says, 'Oh, excuse me! I'm not used to walking. I used to be a fish.' Only she can't talk. An evil octopus lady back home stole her voice." Okita took over the story,

" 'Move it.' he says, 'I'm in a hurry.' "

"She's still trying to talk. And failing. Oh, how tragic!"

"He says, 'Don't stand there with your mouth gaping, opening and closing like a fish out of water."

"It was as if he knew her deep, watery past."

"Then they borrow a rowboat and paddle out into the ominous waters," His eyes met hers. "Ha!" he jeered wordlessly, "This story is about to become a horror story. Cue the sea monsters."  
Her eyes narrowed. Challenge accepted. "As if I'd let you." They seemed to say, blue fire flickering stronger in them.

"All the fish nearby are singing. A _love_ song. Even the nearby reef is singing coral music."

"Choral music?"  
"Either way. They're singing, aren't they, uh-huh?"

"As they are about to kiss, two eels come out of the water, looking sinister."

"And singing."

"Sinisterly."

"Since they were about to kiss, the two eels do."

"That wasn't who I meant when I said 'they are about to kiss'."

"You never specified," She smiled, self-satisfied, "Eel romance really is the best."

"All that seaweed must go to your head."

"Well, its up to you to decide what happens next, Mr. Completely Clear-headed Bishonen."

"Just watch as your fairy tale turns into a scary tale."

"Bring it on, uh-huh!"

"Suddenly, the boat begins to rock violently."

"And she falls into his arms." Eyes met, both burning, intensely competetive.

"Then he tells her her breath smells."

"Then he falls off the rowboat. Cause unknown." Kagura grinned.

"That's harsh!"

"But, underwater, he meets the eels."

"And by meet, we really mean meat. He sells them at huge prices to gourmet restaurants, since they were singing eels when they were alive. He rises through the seafood industry."

"To celebrate, he treats the ex-fish to a delicious dinner."

"They toast his success."

"And eat mouthwatering seafood." Kagura added.

"He tells her about his escapades as a young prince."

"She listens, chewing blissfully on tuna, its savory, delicious flavor filling her with warmth..., uh-huh."

"When he was young, he heard a mermaid once."

"She then digs into a succulent eel dish."

"He has since forgotten all about mermaids, without even trying to remember her to this very day."

"The shrimp on her plate glistens appetizingly..."

"How hungry exactly is this ex-fish? Why isn't she listening to his stories?"

"I dunno." Kagura replied, drooling slightly.

"The next dish is takoyaki, and she begins to chew, relishing every bite of the octopus treat." Okita tried it himself.

"And she says: 'That was delicious!' Wait. How can she talk?" Kagura had confused herself.

"Turns out that takoyaki wasn't made of any old octopus." Okita concluded. Kagura had accidentally provided a happy ending to the story by killing the evil octopus. It had turned out more shoujo than anything, afterall. Okita sighed.

"It was her true love! Yum, uh-huh!" Kagura had obviously forgotten the ex-fish's backstory. Okita's lips turned upward slightly as he looked at her, bemused. "...That's not quite..." he ventured, wondering how he could set the story straight. Finally, he gave up. Kagura continued on from the point of view of the ex-fish.

"She had a bite of toast. Using her new voice, she commented, 'This could use a little marmalade. The end."  
Okita smiled wryly.

"An award-winning story," he deadpanned.

"My favorite part was the eating scene, and also the eel romance!" she added brightly. Then, as if struck by an idea, Kagura exclaimed, "We should make this into an eel-ustrated picture book!"

"Where did this idea come from?" Okita wanted to know.

"I've been struck by a stork of genius!" Kagura explained.

"Stroke of genius," Okita corrected halfheartedly, "Storks are typically said to bring babies."

"Call it my brainchild, then," Kagura continued, dismissing the problem, "And let's call it, 'A Little Marmalade', uh-huh!" she added.

"It'd probably get so famous we'd be eel-ected president and vice-president of the book club." Okita's face remained stoic.

"I'd be president, uh-huh!"

"You'd definitely be the vice-president." His voice was confident.

"How come? You're the shrimp, around here, tadpole!" she fumed.

She was definitely the shrimp, Okita thought. A line from the story came to him, about the shrimp.. "...glistens apetizingly..." her hair was shining in the light, her eyes bright, her lips slightly wet... He shook his head and continued.

"...and you could make me sandwiches."

"You can make your own peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches!"  
They glared at one another. By glaring at each other, I mean that he looked at her with the most dead serious straight face ever, and she frowned disapprovingly at him with defiant blue eyes. A long moment passed, as their feet carried them forward, most of their tiredness forgotten, staring into each other's eyes.  
Then,

"I'm hungry." Kagura finally decided.

"What do you want to eat?" Okita questioned. She thought for a few moments.

"Takoyaki."


End file.
